Letting go

When is the right time to let go?  Let go of it all, cry, while your laughing kind of letting go.  You know you have all of these emotions going through your head and you have to let them out, but you don't quite know how.  Do you cry, laugh, scream, talk or just smile and move on?  There is baggage and then there is the kind of baggage that has an entire matching set that goes along with it.  We all need to let go of our frustrations and anger.  If this builds up we can become so bitter and angry it may work in reverse and it can be dangerous for our health.

How do you let it go? I have found out recently through many friends that people take different routes in dealing with stress.  In how to release stress and how not to release stress, you know who I'm talking about.  There are those who turn to the bottle, the bar and friends who they think are real friends, when in fact they are not anywhere near being an acquaintance, nonetheless a friend.  Then you have the quiet type, clam up and hold it all in until they explode and just burst out crying for no reason one day because they can no longer hold it in.  Next, you have the ones who indulge in food, any kind, just eats for all the wrong reasons.  For me, I vent and vent and talk to everyone and anyone, lol.  I'm a talker, always have and always will be, BUT, that doesn't mean I let go of anything at all.  It only means that I talk a lot.  I do not necessarily tell people my problems.  There was a time prior to my divorce that no one knew there were any problems in my home, why would I air that to anyone.  No one else's business in my eyes.  I didn't want to look like I was out of control, or that I couldn't take care of my own household. All the while I would get a compliment such as (him knowing I went to get my hair cut, FYI: we love when you notice the little things)"oh your hair looks good, BUT you should have gotten it done curly".  Another good one would be if I did a project in the house NO MATTER what it was, always, always said it looked good, BUT..(that damn word) you could have or should have done it this way.  I was always told how much better I should have been or he would pick out every flaw and  physically point to it for me.  How do you give a compliment and take it back all in the same breath, don't bother, please!  So for this I feel as if I didn't exactly get treated like the princess I would have loved to be treated like.  

No, you don't have to buy me pearls, although one Christmas he did, which made my year and that was toward the end, where looking back, he knew I was at my wit's end and more than likely hoping he could "buy" my affection and love. Oh not in my lifetime!  You don't have to buy me to love me and appreciate me, just love and appreciate me.  It's not that hard.  I believe most people are looking for the same thing in this world today.  Not the same old, same old, but to be loved and to love, purely and honestly.  No bullshit attached.  At least I am.  To enjoy each other and what they do and to know that you are respected and appreciated.  Stop by and bring you coffee, because I can.  Mail (snail mail, not email, you know actually pick up a pen and write) you a card because you are thinking about them, whether you live in the same house or not.  When you don't feel good, let them sleep in and close the shades because the suns is going to blare through the window at any moment.  That kind of affection. Yeah, I know you want that too.

Have you ever just sat on the couch feet up, laying next to that special someone watching a movie and realized you have no idea what the movie is because you you are so comfortable with that person and your brain is just not acknowledging any information except well seems like nothing but that moment? No?  Me either, but I would love to.  I feel that if we all just let go of the bitterness and disillusions of bad relationships past we can make what we want for our futures. I know for me it was the hardest thing I have ever done and I am still doing every day. The reason is because I have to see him every weekend when he visits my girls, although they are 18 (in a month) and 20, they do see him every weekend.  Why?  I believe he is trying to make up for lost time and I have nothing but respect for all three of them trying to stay as close as they allow themselves since it has taken to this point for them to have a father daughter relationship.  As my oldest tells me that they're friends and when was he ever a father to her. I just shake my head and think to myself, well it's better than having a deadbeat dad and off they go to lunch or a movie.  Yes, I still have some bitterness toward him (ok maybe a travel bag full or more), but it gets easier every day to let go especially when you can look ahead to a brighter future with him not in it.  Just let go.