Its been a long time.

It's been a long time.  I can't even count the days.  The last time I even looked at a calendar it was July, I swear, it really was, only to realize it was my mother's birthday and with that I then realized it was more than half the year already.  What the hell?  When did this start happening me?!  No, not me?  I can remember my mom telling me once you get out of school days would fly by like weeks and weeks, like months.  I just chuckled and brushed it off.   It was nothing to me to hear her talk like that.  The ol' times (I'd roll my eyes).  Oh crap, I will NEVER talk like that, I swear!.  Well, shit, crap, crap, shit, crap. and on and on.  I talk like this all the time.   What the hey!  Can we turn back time, please?!  Yesterday, Marty McFly (you know the movie Back To The Future) was going into the future October 21, 2015 to ride his Hoover board and be cool with all his new gadgets like the talking phones, well we have FaceTime (thanks to Apple) and everything else that have already imagined, so whats next?  One day goes by and well in 24-hours is like nothing, just nothing.  Why sleep?  It just seems like a waste.  Yes, recharge and renew, but why let time just slip by us and not see what is going by every so slowly or fast as it may seem.

Babies grow; technology grows even faster.  People are born; war kills them faster, so what's the difference.  We grow and die only to find out what? We know how to live and die?  Why hold back the truth, to make the unknown suffer, or the suffering unknown? Is it a cruel world or are there just cruel people running it?  My most amazing thought is that I live happy, no matter, look around and I bet you see it, happy people, everywhere, smiling, just truly happy, be happy, radiate happy and, really live it; be it, be happy and you will understand happiness my friend.

Homesick

Have you ever been homesick?  Just sitting here writing this with the thought of being homesick knowing I am in my new home, well apartment.  I had a house, quite large, 3400 sq.ft. with a great yard, close to 4 acres.  My dogs could run whenever they wanted to and I didn't have to watch them pee or poop while holding onto a leash, good ol' fashioned country living.  Now I am living in an apartment with my bf, 2 kids and 3 dogs barely hitting 1300 sq ft.  One of us has to walk the dogs a hundred times a day because they were so used to going out all the time, at their every whim, okay maybe 3-4 times a day, but still on a leash and poor things can't run.  There are dog parks we've yet to go see and they can run there, but in the car, then back out and it's going to be a cost, ugh!  Gosh I miss my old house.  The beach is close, oh so close, no snow, well maybe, who knows it hasn't gotten to winter yet, and more than likely it won't snow, oh it better not, I left my snow blower behind, lol.

Snow and I are long time friends, but no more, I can't deal with the aches and pains anymore, my body just says no to snow.  Beach time is so much better, I can do that, oh yeah I can.  It would take me hours to go before, now 20 minutes, maybe 30.  I feel as if some of my trade offs weren't as worth it at times, maybe because I feel stuffed into a smaller space, no yard, and the dogs can't run.  I have a storage unit and noting is at my disposal in my own home as before, yes it takes me 5 minutes to get to anything and I mean anything, well besides the beach.

The shopping mall, grocery store, post office, anything food wise; it's wonderful.  Living in a perfect area is fantastic.  I love it here; I love my boyfriend; I love my kids and my dogs.  Some days I feel like I want to go home, like I'm missing something.  I cry, over what, spilled milk, pull up my big-girl panties and get my crap together, I know.  What the heck is my issue?  Is this being homesick or is this just the fact that I am so accustomed to having lived in a larger house and don't know how to downsize; my girls are both in college (still living home, phew!), my birthday is in a few days and I am getting older (40's) or maybe its menopause...no freaking way, I will have to do something about that shit now, by the way...or what?

 My ex doesn't leave me be, he has gotten better since we moved, thank goodness.  Now he only calls every few days (I am seriously jumping up and down, bring out the band)  It only took him 4 1/2 years.  I swear he forgets we are divorced.  As for my boyfriend, I know you read this, I love you very much and thank you for putting up with all of his crap as well as me being so sad lately. There is nowhere else in the world I would rather be than where I am right now. Being homesick isn't easy, I lived in the same place for 18 years and before that I still lived in the same area of well almost my entire life, so it has been very hard for me to move.  It wasn't just a home, it was a life, a lifestyle and a home.

I need something, who knows what it is but I need something.  Time will make it better and downsizing will help.  It's nearly 1/3 of the space...phew!  This is it, wow, thanks for listening and letting me figure it out.  Now that math help figure it out for me, crap, one-third, that's not a whole lot.  How do you determine which third you want to keep?  Now that I know what to do next I don't feel so homesick anymore, oh and now that I am thinking about it, guess what?  All my friends back north, well they will have to start thinking about shoveling snow soon :) beach time for me!