North or South

<script async src="//pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script> <script> (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({ google_ad_client: "ca-pub-6669014383974263", enable_page_level_ads: true }); </script>

<script async src="//pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script> <script> (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({ google_ad_client: "ca-pub-6669014383974263", enable_page_level_ads: true }); </script>
It doesn't matter how many times I look out the window on Christmas, I don't think it will snow here for me.  This doesn't change anything does it?  Heck yes it does!  I feel like it changes everything for me.  I know it doesn't but, it seems as if going from the North to the South just changed so many things, but most of all Christmas.  I am used to it being cold, brisk and somewhat windy.  It usually snows, okay, it hardly every snows, but the last few years it has been snowing and it's been great.  The blinding rain and ice is what it usually does, still, come on, it's the North.  Good old fashioned Christmas.  That's what it is.  Brrrr, freeze my tush off, send the kids outside, bake cookies and have friends come over the next day or three for left-overs.  The South, well not-so-much.

I moved over the summer, basking hot July, not the best time to move in the heat, but it was the time I had.  Me and my girls, both graduated from high school and away we went to start our new lives.  I merged with my boyfriend, who came up from Florida.  I know, he's now going to freeze and I will sweat, lol.  That is where your wrong.  I am still cold and he is sweating, believe it or not.  I am cold blooded, freezing all the time, and could live in the tropics for sure.  He, on the other hand, is perfectly fine here.  I have no idea why I am this way, I am always cold.  In any case, it's just gorgeous here and we love it.  But, Christmas is here and I miss the snow, the feel I suppose of it, what it seems for the season of Christmas.  My family is back North, well most of them and my friends, so I miss them also.  Its very hard all the way around.  That's it, just all of it.  I know we will all get used to it, never, and I suppose they can come visit us here at the awesome beach, when they have a vacation.  It's just that time of year we all get that blah feeling like we have to have everyone next to us and the fire going, with the snow on the ground, and a cozy blanket, not watching the surfers.  Unless of course that's where you were raised and are used to that, then I suppose it would be weird not to have it.

So I ask you are you a North or a South?  I was born a North, but now I'm a South and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Waste… of time?

                                                               

 

I wrote this paper March 14, 2002 during college and it will never be a dying subject.

Waste.  Is it a waste of time?  How many of us recycle? I mean actually recycle. How many of us care?  I mean care about the future.  Does recycling really work?  Do the landfills really recycle?  These are just a few questions that come to mind when I think of garbage, refuse, trash, debris or any other word that means waste.  We live day to day without a notion about where or how waste is disposed of.  Should we have to worry about recycling?  It’s not our duty to make sure the landfills are doing their jobs, or is it?  If we stopped for one instant and thought about it, we’d realize that it is our job, because we all live on this planet together and created the waste to begin with.

“Americans generate more waste every year, growing from 247 million tons of non-hazardous waste in 1990 to 490 million tons in 2001”, according to Biocycle magazine, an industry publication.  According to the website,” Americans generate trash at an astonishing rate of four pounds per day per person, which translates to 600,000 tons per day or 210 million tons per year!”  (www.howstuffworks.com). They continue to say that this is almost twice as much trash per person than in most other major countries. The majority of this trash is buried in landfills.

What is a landfill?  It is a carefully designed structure built into or on top of the ground in which trash is isolated from the surrounding environment such as groundwater, air, or rain.  This isolation is accomplished with a bottom liner and a daily covering of soil.  There are two types of landfills: sanitary and municipal solid waste landfill.  The sanitary landfill uses a clay liner to isolate the trash environment and the municipal solid waste landfill uses a synthetic or plastic liner to isolate the trash environment.  A landfill does not decompose garbage quickly.  When a landfill closes, it must be watched and evaluated for 30 years after the closing. 

We need to recycle.  By recycling, we will reduce the amount of trash that needs to be buried. In 1991, the U.S. population was 249,439,545 and (mostly) municipal waste, which was generated in tons, was 293,613,000, with 11.5% if it recycled.  In 2001, the population was 286,345,000 with 409,029,000 tons of mostly municipal waste and 32% was recycled.  According to the website, “Although 32% of municipal waste is reported as recycled, there are two problems with this; one, is the EPA estimated in 1998 at municipal waste was only two percent of all waste generated.  Secondly, the total amount waste generated, recycled, or disposed is not fully known because the EPA has not collected work to confirm that data“ (www.zerowasteamerica.org). 

Waste disposal statistics do not take into account waste that is disposed (burned or landfilled) on-site or off-site and illegitimate dumps and incinerators, which include burning barrels.  The statistics also do not include waste that is recycled and in an environmentally destructive matter, such as the so-called, "beneficial use" recyclable.

So let's say you do recycle, do you really think the workers who pick up your trash put it and a separate section?  They must, because if these workers who pick up your trash, were following recycling regulations, the percentage of recycled waste would not have nearly tripled.  Imagine what the world would be like 20 years from now, if we didn't recycle.  It's the three R’s, recycle, reduce, and reuse.

There's are numerous ways that we can cut down on waste.  Instead of buying plastic cups, forks, knives, spoons, and other disposable products, we should reuse the glasses, or silverware that we already have in your home.  Personally, I think recycling should start with manufacturers.  Some of these companies make it too easy for us to toss these products in the trash can, rather than a recycling bin.  Another example of unnecessary waste is the computer; how many of us own home computers?  What do we do with them when they become obsolete?  First off, sure, we try to resell, but when that fails, where do they go?  In the garage, basement or storage unit is usually where they end up.  We should make the big companies take them back and let them recycle the products they manufactured.

Years ago, McDonald's used to use Styrofoam containers, now they use paper.  I don't think that McDonald's decided on their own that they needed to use paper for better recycling purposes. I think environmentalists pressured them.  Maybe they saved money at the same time, and maybe not.  The one thing that I am sure of is that we all need to recycle.  Recycling will not only help the environment; it will also reduce the amount of trash in the landfills.  With more and more landfills closing, by the time our children, or children’s children grow up, there will be virtually nowhere for the trash to go. 

I can remember when I was a child, my mom used to tell me stories.  One story was about a dump close to where I live.  Many people refer to a landfill as a dump.  They are not the same.  A dump is an open hole in the ground where trash is buried and has various animals like rats, mice and birds swarming around it.  My mom used to go shooting with all of her friends at this dump when she was young.  They would shoot the rats, and mice just for fun.  The dump is no longer there, but in reality, it is, it is only covered over by dirt and plants. To this day there still is a “for sale” sign posted on the property.  It makes me wonder if the person who buys the land will be told about the dump that originally existed there.  Is the reason that the sign is still there because people know there is a dump underneath?  Is it that they don’t like the land?  The point is that we don’t know where all of the old dumps are and unless we ask, we will never know.

If we knew years ago how much recycling helped us, most old dumps would not be closed or hazardous today.   How do we know if the water we drink is contaminated by waste from old dumps? We don’t.  For that matter, how do we know if the development we live in or by wasn’t constructed over top of an old dump?  Did you ever ask?  The only way questions like this can be answered, is if we ask.  Knowing is just the beginning, but educating people around us will make them understand that recycling isn’t a waste of time.  Just remember recycling today will make tomorrow a better, cleaner, and waste-less place.  Live, laugh, and love.

Dizzy

How do you know when its time to go to the doctor?  I know as a mom and my child screams there are all different types of screaming, yells, quivers and hollers.  One can be loud or soft and some can be said with a huge attitude, you know what I mean, "What! Mom!"  Sometimes you get the sibling rivalry and the often, more than not fights up and down the hallway.  Oh the good old days.  Yup, seems like yesterday.  But now that I am an adult, all grown up and girls of my own, and I have been to the doctor many, many, oh too many times to count, when do you really need to go to the Urgent Care or ER for that matter?

Urgent Care or Emergency Room, whats the difference?  The other day for instance, I was just meandering along going through some papers trying to file old papers, finally.  That boring stuff no one wants to do, well most of us, anyway I started getting dizzy, then cold sweats, real bad, I was so sweaty I had to change my pants instantly, put on shorts and started fanning myself.  Then I became so dizzy, not realizing what I was doing and unaware of the time.  I started pacing of sorts, I thought I had a fever, but checked and didn't.  It was the cold sweats that made me feel as if i had a fever.  I felt as if my head, well my brain actually, was swimming in my head, floating of sorts.  The room was silent, I didn't have any music on or the TV, and I had no headache at this time.  For those who know me, this is quite strange, I always and I mean always have some sort of a headache.  I normally get migraines so this was quite different for me. Then in an instant I was nauseous, ran to the bathroom and nothing, up in my throat, burning, and still nothing, dry heaves, twice and still nothing.  It was acid reflux of sorts, but yet nothing. What comes next?  I am faint, a dizzy spell again, can't think, cold sweats, unaware of what's really going on and oh I had a massive sciatica attack to the point that I was in bed and hurting for the two days prior, yet at this moment I have no pain there at all. It all seems as if the pain had disappeared just at this time because all my energy and efforts were pointing to the fact that I had no idea that the Hell had been going on except the fact that I was feeling, well, out of sorts; not me. 

My youngest daughter comes in to ask me something, nope, no clue still now what she had asked me and I say to her, go tell your sister that I need her to take me to the Urgent Care, I feel like crap. She asked me if I was okay and I just said nope.  My older one comes in and says what's going on?  She looks and me and says, "oh mom, you look like crap."  Gee, thanks and I feel like it, I tell her.  Anyway, she say to me that yes, we need to go and I grab my stuff and off we go.  I was so dizzy that I could barely walk out the door.  I was walking quite slowly and to the side.  Holy shit, I have never, ever in my life felt like this, well that I recall, remember if you had been following me, I did have brain surgery back in 2005.  I have no idea what the hell was going on.  I seriously thought I was having a heart attack or mini-stroke, after all I did try to google the symptoms, yup me, dr. mom.  Scared the shit out of me, to the point that I knew something was wrong.  I was so scared that I went to the Urgent Care instead of the ER.  Yup, crazy me.  No chest pains or numbness in the arm, no headache, so I figure the Urgent care was the place to go.

Walk into Urgent Care and they knew something was up, we do the normal routine, insurance cards, triage, and then comes in the doctor.  He starts asking me questions and me, I thought I was doing a great job of telling him what I thought the problem was and I can vaguely remember him keep looking at my daughter and thinking why.  She finally tells me that he looked scared, like he had no idea what was wrong.  Well shit!  She tells me I was taking 30-60 seconds to answer him when he asked me a question.  Ohhh, who knew?!  I thought I was right there.  I would tell him I felt that was for about 20 minutes or so when in fact I had been there for 45 minutes already, hmmm, well add another 30 minutes on top of that and that would be how long I was feeling that way.  Again, I had no idea of time, none.  In the end, I am still somewhat confused as to the diagnosis, not sure if I had an actual seizure, but it seems to be the fact that my medicines were off.  The seizure medicines I take from the brain tumor that is still in fact, in tact in my brain, ugh.  Go figure.  All that and that's all he had to say.

Now I wonder, should I have gone to the ER?  Did he do everything he should have?  He did run a CAT scan.  I do feel a lot better now, but still looking back, would it have been better for me, yes more expensive, but the fact that they could have checked all of my blood levels, oh and done an EKG, etc. because I know the Urgent Care didn't.   I can't undo what's been done, but I do think that next time it's the ER, just to be safer. Which one would pick?  Live, laugh and love        

The survey says...

Have you ever taken a personality test, career placement test one of those types?  You know the kind I'm talking about.  The type of test that tells you who you already know you are.  There are so many different varieties of tests out there.  You should be able to sit there all day and take them, well maybe for a month straight.  These surveys or tests so to speak are the types that many of us have already taken in school or at a job interview.  I know I did a few years back when I went for a job interview to sell insurance and stocks and bonds.  I guess they wanted more of a blue personality type than myself.  Me, I'm more the orange with some gold, lol.  I am a people person and a true salesman(woman).  I love to help and volunteer and will only sell something I believe in.  I guess they knew that by me taking that test?  Who knows.

Back in my school days, I had to a placement test to figure out where I belonged on which education level for college.  Who knew that would happen.  Then they pop you in a class to have you "see" where your current interests were.  Do you love the outdoors, going camping, putting projects together, baseball, swimming, watching TV, kids, talking, coloring things of that nature.  I can remember it coming out stating I should be a kindergartner teacher, yeah, not.  I had two small children at that time.  I didn't want to teach all day then go home and have my kids too.  I do love little kids, but all day long and ohh if I got sick, no way.  Are these surveys or test really that true or even close?  Where do they get they results from anyway?

Testing us to see what we like, hmmm?  I like ice cream, but it doesn't like me all the time.  Does this mean I should answer yes to the question?  If I am allergic and I put no, will this alter my results of course it will then I might look like a prude.  When 'they" say that "they" are comparing us to the general population based on results taken in past tests.  Where did they get these from?  Did they survey an entire city, town or state?  Did they survey a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere?  Did they survey all the major cities in the entire US or free world for that matter?  I have no idea, "they" have never told me, have "they" told you?  I love to take the tests just to see if I have changed tastes or if I am the same person I was 10 years ago.  Of course I know my personality is the same, but we all change a little bit from time to time.  How many of you have taken one of those tests that are long drawn out and are so boring you have to get up every five minutes just to breathe?  Did you like the green apple or the red apple?  Me I love apples of all types, heck I love fruit.  OK, now I'm hungry and want to eat because I have been here typing all morning, no not that this is that long, it's that I wrote it and forgot to save it so I had to retype the entire thing.  

Before I go and actually eat you should take a test and just see.  There are several of them out there.  Quick ones and long drawn out ones.  In any case, you can at least read on what the different levels and types of personalities there are.  Maybe you and your other half are perfect for each other and can tweak a few things, this may help you learn about each other in ways you never knew.  Maybe you never knew that one of the downfalls of you personality was that you just sucked at listening, well work on it or vice-versa.  You are a great listener but have a difficult time giving-in to others.  I know its hard, believe me.  I do it all the time and I try very hard all the time and being the best person I can.  If you follow my blog you know I was married and have since divorced, well we were like oil and water most of the time.  If he had taken any of these tests maybe I could have worked harder, but I know for a fact the end result would have been the same, because marriage is a two-way street.  He would have never compromised anything and this was one of the thing that split us apart.  Every has to give because everyone has to take from a relationship, no matter the type.   Marriage, mother-child, child-child any of them.  Oh go ahead just search a few out and take them, read up on them.  If your other half, kids whoever won't then do it for them, make the educated guess and see what comes up, you may be surprised to see what the end results are.  You may just find yourself living much happier with those around you.  Did you ever wonder why you bumped heads so much, well now is your chance.  Live laugh, and love

Homesick

Have you ever been homesick?  Just sitting here writing this with the thought of being homesick knowing I am in my new home, well apartment.  I had a house, quite large, 3400 sq.ft. with a great yard, close to 4 acres.  My dogs could run whenever they wanted to and I didn't have to watch them pee or poop while holding onto a leash, good ol' fashioned country living.  Now I am living in an apartment with my bf, 2 kids and 3 dogs barely hitting 1300 sq ft.  One of us has to walk the dogs a hundred times a day because they were so used to going out all the time, at their every whim, okay maybe 3-4 times a day, but still on a leash and poor things can't run.  There are dog parks we've yet to go see and they can run there, but in the car, then back out and it's going to be a cost, ugh!  Gosh I miss my old house.  The beach is close, oh so close, no snow, well maybe, who knows it hasn't gotten to winter yet, and more than likely it won't snow, oh it better not, I left my snow blower behind, lol.

Snow and I are long time friends, but no more, I can't deal with the aches and pains anymore, my body just says no to snow.  Beach time is so much better, I can do that, oh yeah I can.  It would take me hours to go before, now 20 minutes, maybe 30.  I feel as if some of my trade offs weren't as worth it at times, maybe because I feel stuffed into a smaller space, no yard, and the dogs can't run.  I have a storage unit and noting is at my disposal in my own home as before, yes it takes me 5 minutes to get to anything and I mean anything, well besides the beach.

The shopping mall, grocery store, post office, anything food wise; it's wonderful.  Living in a perfect area is fantastic.  I love it here; I love my boyfriend; I love my kids and my dogs.  Some days I feel like I want to go home, like I'm missing something.  I cry, over what, spilled milk, pull up my big-girl panties and get my crap together, I know.  What the heck is my issue?  Is this being homesick or is this just the fact that I am so accustomed to having lived in a larger house and don't know how to downsize; my girls are both in college (still living home, phew!), my birthday is in a few days and I am getting older (40's) or maybe its menopause...no freaking way, I will have to do something about that shit now, by the way...or what?

 My ex doesn't leave me be, he has gotten better since we moved, thank goodness.  Now he only calls every few days (I am seriously jumping up and down, bring out the band)  It only took him 4 1/2 years.  I swear he forgets we are divorced.  As for my boyfriend, I know you read this, I love you very much and thank you for putting up with all of his crap as well as me being so sad lately. There is nowhere else in the world I would rather be than where I am right now. Being homesick isn't easy, I lived in the same place for 18 years and before that I still lived in the same area of well almost my entire life, so it has been very hard for me to move.  It wasn't just a home, it was a life, a lifestyle and a home.

I need something, who knows what it is but I need something.  Time will make it better and downsizing will help.  It's nearly 1/3 of the space...phew!  This is it, wow, thanks for listening and letting me figure it out.  Now that math help figure it out for me, crap, one-third, that's not a whole lot.  How do you determine which third you want to keep?  Now that I know what to do next I don't feel so homesick anymore, oh and now that I am thinking about it, guess what?  All my friends back north, well they will have to start thinking about shoveling snow soon :) beach time for me!

     

Respect

Where the hell did this basic ingredient in life go to? I know that when I was growing up that my father made sure, no he INSISTED that I not only knew the meaning, that  I practiced it every day and with everyone, and everything I came in contact with. When I addressed someone,  it was yes sir, yes ma’am.  When I was at someone else’s house, or better yet when I was in a retail store? I did not even think about touching something that did not belong to me. When I wanted something, I asked, yes ASKED for it; I did not ever TELL someone that I wanted something. I always used PLEASE and THANK YOU. When adults were speaking, I did not interrupt. When I had something to say or ask, I always said EXCUSE ME.

Now that I am an adult, I always say hello, hold doors, and respect others space. I still say all of those things I used to say when I was a kid, only now I feel I am setting an example for others to follow. The  problem?  There seems to be a majority set of adults who are the exact opposite and this works against me.

I work in retail, where I HAVE to be a people person.  I work in an area where people are not so nice to each other, the people around them, the things that do not belong to them, or even themselves for that matter. No, really, no I am not a negative person. I love life, and I love a lot about life and what it offers.  I do know a lot of people  who are not this way, but it really seems that everywhere I look and listen; I tend to see the examples being shown to the next generations.  It may be too late, as this generation learned it from the previous.

Self-centered and selfish. I see it in the way people drive. Constantly cutting off someone else to make the exit or turn for something that is NOT an emergency. No matter the risk of their own lives, or others. Constantly texting and face booking while driving. Just because it is legal does not make it right or SAFE. I had someone cut me off from the LEFT lane of the highway and practically STOP in front of me while I was doing 65mph. All because they HAD to get off at THAT exit and no other. Tailgating- constantly I see people driving up other cars asses with no regard to the conditions ahead of the vehicle they are tailgating. Then when they decide to risk everything, they pull up next to you and flip you off like you did something wrong. Did you not see the line of cars ahead of me? 

Ever look around a store while you are shopping at the other customers? Ever watch and see what they do and what they say? Or how they treat the employees in that store? Have you ever seen the way some people will do ANYTHING to save, no STEAL a few dollars from that store? I have watched seemingly educated and refined people touch and feel merchandise because they lack respect for it. Not because they were interested in buying it. Only to check it out, leave fingerprints, test its sturdiness, and of course find fault with it. I have seen people purposely damage items to save money on it. I have watched people remove the price, switch price tags, and place them elsewhere in the store.  I have heard customers raise their voice to store employees, and complain when they cannot receive a discount for something that was just built and placed on the sales floor. I mean really? They should have been CHARGED for the assembly! The absolute worst thing I have seen in retail? Parents teaching their children that this behavior is OK! There are parents who send their kids into back offices, break rooms and locker rooms of businesses looking for things of value and money!  Wonder why those kids are getting in trouble at school? Maybe they raised their voice when they did not get their way? Maybe they got caught CHEATING because they wanted to be GIVEN the answers to their test? Or just maybe, they cut off the next kid in line for their lunch? People will go into retail stores, and literally throw merchandise onto the floor and walk away. Packages opened, and left sitting somewhere it did NOT come from. Pushing shopping carts into merchandise, shelving, all the while talking on their cell phone or texting. I swear of I pulled any of this when I was a child? I would have had my ass beat right there in front of everyone, and then I would have been made to apologize to everyone around me.

Respect for your job, the people who you work for and with? Why do people think it is OK just to not show up for work? To call without much notice and tell you that they cannot make it because they “do not feel well?” or that “they do not have a babysitter?”  To just stop showing up because they felt like it? No one twisted their arm into taking the job. No one they work with did anything against them. Yet, they have no sense of respect to the people they work with, for, and to the customers who all counted on them to show up to do their job? When you are a manager for a job, someone who should be setting the example, why would you show up late? And then tell your boss that you read the schedule wrong? Then go out and write up the person under you for doing the exact same thing?

Everyone acts as if they are above everyone else.  The attitudes I see out there every day from people reminds me of the commercial where the woman is in the parking lot thinking she owns a Rolls Royce and she really owns a station wagon. And she wants to know why her remote is not opening this car? The point of the commercial was to feel rich, but the aura of the woman portrayed exactly what I am getting at in this rant about the way our society has become.  Walking around and screaming into a cell phone so that the people on the other side of the restaurant or store can clearly hear your conversation? And then when an employee walks by you rudely ask them about something not remotely close to or related to anything you are looking at. Just to make yourself feel more special?

Now, I know these behaviors are everywhere, but they are more exemplified in more areas than others. The next question I have for everyone who reads this is, when will this stop? When will people remember what it is like to be respectful of one another? When will people remember to be less selfish? When will people realize that these behaviors are what contribute to the daily drama and negativity of the world? It has to start in the home. It has to start with adults setting an example and teaching their children to do the right thing. What will it take for ADULTS in this day and age to make these changes? Would it really be that difficult to accomplish? I will do my part, and continue to use the traits instilled in me by my  father. And when I have kids in my home I will teach them the same way. I will remember to treat everyone I know with respect, and hopefully, others will see that it still exists and follow suit.

What about you? What will you do to make a change? 

~ respectfully submitted to me by JEB

Anxiety

When do you become anxious? Do we have the ability to control the situation all the time? Yes, I believe we can overcome being anxious but to a degree. Given the right situation we can all get anxious. Say you are in the doctors office for your annual check up when all of a sudden the doctor finds a mole and decides to scrape it off and send it out. Just to be sure. This has been there for years and you have never been bothered by it , but you changed jobs and recently obtained new insurance so had to switch doctors. It's not a big deal the doctor assures you. It's just to give you piece of mind. Okay, you agree and go about your day. Well, a few days go by and you hear nothing. You go to lunch with a good friend and start telling them what happened to you. Your buddy stats telling you this horror story about some other friend that started the same way and how that friend has some sort if rare skin cancer now. Gee buddy, thanks a million. Just what I went to much for today, to be depressed. Driving home you start feeling anxious and now you have this sudden urge to call the doctors office and ask questions. What do you do now? Do you call and freak out or do you wait it out? Anxiety and stress is a killer. I got it go home and try to look up as much information about it as you can. Holy crap, now I'm really a wreck. Do you know how many types of moles there are? I'm not even going to get going on that one.  I ended up going home, and looking at myself in the mirror for an hour at all the moles by the way, just in case.  Not that any of them looked like they were cancerous, because afterwards I looked them all up online and compared them anyway, this of course was after I took pictures of them, zoomed in of course then compared them.  So anxious, NAHHHH, freaked out was more like it.  Maybe this is why I don't hang out with certain friends of mine, I know who is going to say what to me.  Well holy crap.  I never thought of that before this.

I already have six titanium cancer markers in my breasts, do I need more stress?  Really do I?  Nope, but thanks. Moles, checked, all good.  What next, I swear I want both breast totally removed and new ones.  I just had a sonogram the other day Friday to be in fact, the 19th, all clear, well as clear as they could be, I suppose. Come back in six months is what I get told because I am so cystic, YEAH, I'm so excited, yes that was sarcastic.  I am so overjoyed.  What the heck, really, this is what I really want to do with my time every six months, all year, worry, freak, twice a year until next time.  Then what, freak some more.  I swear they just want you to think about it for the whole time.  The insurance companies won't pay to have a mastectomy done unless something is there so it's a waiting game, but they will pay to have titanium clips put in, tumor markers if you will, to sit and watch, for changes.  I wonder if they will pay to go to a Psychiatrist with all the anxiety us women go through for all the waiting and wondering what the next six months will have in store, probably not.  I try not to think about it and move on to the next thing, task in life.  I am just happy I only have six and not eight like they told me in the beginning.

Life itself is anxious, bringing about new beginnings and drastic endings.  Every turn and every path you go down has something to look forward to and some things we don't want to see at all.  How is it when we go to the doctor, they say to us to stay away from stress and anxiety, HA, I laugh at you doc. Stay away! I truly think the only way to do this is to 1: don't go to the doctor, 2: don't have children, 3: don't have a relationship, 4: stop working, 5: don't own a home or vehicle, 6: you must be independently wealthy in order to do this or live in a remote place that needs nothing but love and clean air to run and live., I think this may be able to happen if you are sleeping and in a dream, but you still may be miserable and lonely, then be stressed and anxious due to the fact that you are alone, so, back to the drawing board.

I am somewhat stress-free, and about as anti-anxious and I can be, yeah, who am I kidding.  The way I keep stress out of my life is I leave out the negative, people, places and things.  All the way around, the best I can.  As for anxiety, well, we all have it no matter what, bills, medical, home, children, life, animals.  We just have to learn how to control it, which I have, again, the best I can an that I have done well.

Some days, yes, are much better than others, but, hey, we all do it.  I am far from being perfect and if I were, I would have nothing to do all day now would I :)  Oh, by the way the mole finally cam back and it was a neurofibroma, anxiety is all gone, at least for now and for that. Live, laugh and love.

That's your child, no matter what.

In the wake of the bombings and the shootings at the elementary school recently along with many, many other acts of just random and not so random acts of selfishness, crazy, mean, pure evil, malevolent, terroristic, events I have been seeing on television, non-stop as well as reading about I really needed to write something, so here it goes.  That's your child, no matter what.  I watch the media just drag this apart, from one end to the other about the bombing.  Come on already.  This they call, who claims to be these boys, yes I say boys, because I have two girls teenagers, under 21, and you're not mature at 21, he claims they are angels, OH PLEASE, there is no one in my book teenager to 30 that is an angel, NO ONE.  If you are reading this you know it's true.  Your parents don't know everything you do, mine sure didn't, so I can speculate that theirs didn't, from trying a drink, to hanging out with people they wouldn't approve of.

As for what they did on their free time after school, I highly doubt that their "dad" knew a damn thing.  So let's just move on from him.  Same goes for the kid who did the shooting in the school, dad was out of the picture, see a pattern here.  I am no psychologist, and far from any doctrine degree, but coming from a dysfunctional family that bad, it will mess you up.  This is not any excuse, because I did also and I would never in a bazillion years hurt a sole. It takes a strong minded person to break that chain. The way I see it, is that the bombing boys, they decided a long time ago that they wanted to do this, they trained and learned how to create bombs, they knew how to use weapons of mass destruction, they meant harm.  Creating a get away, physically fit, the entire facade, years to create and build or at least trying to.

As for school boy, I feel as if he snapped, something made him go to the school and create harm, why the children, terrible I know, but it was to get back at what hurt him the most.  As terrible as it seems, when we hurt, we lash out and make those around us hurt more to make ourselves feel better.  I just feel that this is what he did.  His mom wasn't exactly the most loving, caring person in the world, but again, no reason to act the way he did.  What makes a person tick the way they do?  Only they know.  It's extremely sad for all the loss and devastation it has caused, but no matter what, that's you child.  What would you do?   I am in no way, shape of form making any of this okay, giving them an out because of family issues, or even trying to make it look as if I believe for an instant that any of it was acceptable for any reason whatsoever.  I am just making a point, that no matter what, they are someone's child.  Turn the tables for a brief moment, a glimpse, and think if it were yours who did this, what would you do? How would you react?  Would you have ever known?  Do you hug you kids enough?  Do you know what they do and where they go or do you just sit on the computer playing Farmville or watch your soaps and yessing them to death when they want to go out with their friends? I would much rather know where they are than be left in the dark or get that dreaded phone call from the hospital or police at 3am, all because I never communicated with my kids.  Live, laugh and love.

Working out

Working out.  How do you define working out?  What do you do to work out?  Do you go to the gym or walk in the park or go to the local high school and swim?  Me personally, I go to the gym.  I love to work out.  I know it sounds crazy but I feel when I don't work out I feel like I'm cheating.  Almost as if I did something guilty!  I have some friends who go swim a few times a week at the local high school and enjoy that very much.  I know that burns a lot of calories.  I own a pool, but I would freeze my butt off about now since its 40-50 degrees out, oh and my pool is outside.  I would love an indoor pool or one with a solarium.  That would be the best, then swimming all the time would be great.  

Other people I know love to just go walk.  They walk wherever they can, in the park or the mall.  It's great, and free.  It's not easy getting motivated by yourself a few times a week to stay on track and keep yourself fit.  There are mall walkers clubs all over.  I see signs for them.  Check it out the next time you are at the local mall.  The Gallerias usually have them, for the most part before the regular mall hours start and this is a very good idea because its indoor, so the weather is perfect, plus when you are done, you can go shopping if you want to.  Not that I would, because I would be a bit sweaty, well maybe not, depending upon how fast I was walking.  Walking is the best the you can do for you along with eating healthy.  Working out in general is the best thing you can do for your body, just don't over do it.  

The other day I was at lunch with my girl friend and I ran into another friend of mine.  He says to me how good I look and I returned the compliment, because he looked amazing.  I ask him where he has been that I haven't seen him at the gym, but we usually don't run into each other much there has he has a crazy schedule.  He tells me that his body has plateaued and he is no longer trimming down like he wants to.

Well if you are reading this and you know anything about working out or don't, then you will want to know that you need to change how you work out.  When I mean change I don't mean daily or weekly.  I mean your body becomes accustomed to how you work out and then it will peak and stop burning and trimming down.  This is when you have to just switch your routine around, do it backwards or add something new, take something away, just do something different.  It's tricking your body into thinking its learning new routines and then it will burn, shape and trim again.  This is why if you go to a trainer or gym where they have trainers, they tell you not to work on abs or legs etc. more than three times in the same week.  It won't make a difference.  Our bodies learn quick, we are people of nature, as so are our bodies.  We learn fast, well our bodies do, us, we are quite pig-headed most of us and take quite a while to let things sink in.  Those of us reading this know exactly what I mean.  

When you work out, don't go crazy, just have fun, enjoy and change it up.  You will get more than just a great work out.  You will stay fit, have a great body and not become bored with the same routine.  If you go to the gym, go there a few times plus if you have a local high school that has free swim, go there once a week this will add to your workout all the way around.  Go do and learn new things, enjoy what you do, meet new people and have fun.  Don't be a bump on a log, get up and get out there.

Enjoy, stay fit, be happy and healthy!

Giving back to the needy

Giving back to the needy is something I do quite often.  Not only do I give monetarily, but I volunteer a lot.  Sometimes too much I have been told.  Lately I have evaluated my life and decided to curtail my volunteering quite a bit.  I have condensed what I do and decided to only volunteer at one museum instead of two and for one church rather than three or four.  I know, where did I get the time.  I do not go to church every week, but love when I do go.  I recently helped scrape and repaint the entire basement and food pantry of a local church, the proceeded to make 12' X 9' curtains along with six matching sets of panels for the windows that were all bare in the basement.  This was where the functions took place, so having bare windows was quite creepy.  It looks incredible now for them plus gives them privacy.  Prior to that the paint had been there so long, that it was actually falling off the walls.  One of my best girlfriends had been going there for years and asked if I would help her out, well of course she knew I would, one because she is one of my best friends and two they seriously needed the help.  A small local church that only depends on what small contributions they receive during tidings.  I received great joy and pleasure in making the curtains and painting for them and especially seeing the look on all their faces when it was done.  Just the pure appreciation from them was incredible.  A few others jumped in and helped paint from time to time and one other person paid for the paint.  I found this to be wonderful.

Yesterday, Sunday, I went to service and not to preach, because I do not by any means, believe me, but its been a while since I was there. A man was talking about having a class to talk about giving,  people who give too much, BINGO, were they talking to me, lol!  I inquired about this later of course to find out what this was about, just being curious.  It is just a short class about why we give to people, the needy.  Do we do it because we need to ourselves, are we a servant or a sucker? Holy crap!  Okay, I can handle that, am I a sucker.  I an sitting here laughing, no really I give all the time, up until recently, like I said.  I guess I was supposed to go yesterday.  It had been at least 5 weeks or so since I had been to a service.  I mentioned before I get sick and in a lot of pain, so I don't leave my home quite often in the winter months.

I guess I will stop by this class just to "check it out".  Boy am I a sucker or what, lmao!  I will help the needy as long as the needy can help themselves.  If you, anyone for that matter, is in need, any time in their lives, because, I for one know, we all need a hand from time to time, physically, emotionally, mentally or otherwise unstated, I will help you, but if you are unwilling to help yourself, I will not come back and help you again.  This in my mind means you are unwilling to help yourself move forward in your life.  I will cut the cord and let you fly on your own.  It is hard, yes, but I have done it and tough love is the way it has to be.  Social Services should be a stepping stone not a way of life.  In my eyes, there should be a limit, whether a time limit or monetary limit, there should be one.  Send them to school, job place them, give them day care, something, not a permanent crutch.  Life is too short and people get stuck in ruts way to fast.  Give a man fish and feed them for a day, teach a man to fish and feed them for a life time.

My top ten list of ways to start you on your way to a healthy life

My top ten list of ways to start you on your way to a healthy life:

1:  Think healthy

This by far is the most important to me.  If you don't put yourself in the mind set of wanting to be healthy then nothing else you do matters.  You can eat right, diet and exercise all you want and you will not be healthy because it all starts with a healthy mind.  Think healthy and everything else follows and falls into place.

2:  Buy healthy

This may sound easy, but let me assure you it's not.  I will be the first one, okay probably the 21st one to tell you to not buy the cookies and candy and soda that you have been indulging on, but your your own health, just sop buying it and you won't eat it.  This is the start of a new beginning.  Don't make this a New Year's Resolution that you will break by, oh let's say today, just start today or Friday.  Give yourself a date on the calendar, in PEN, and stick with it!  Don't turn back.  Weigh yourself if it's numbers that concern you, most people are concerned with that.  I have no idea why its the pounds, but it is.  SO let's start with that.  Pick a day, write it down and give yourself 30 days, believe me it goes quick, DO NOT weigh yourself in between, do it at the end of the 30 days.  Do not buy soda, cookies or cake, that type of junk. Pick one or two things.  Make it easy for yourself and start there.  At then end of the 30 days check your weight, you will be amazed.  I promise you that if you are an avid soda drinker or junk food junkie you will lose weight.  I did.  I lost 20 pounds in a month and I drank diet soda.  That was the only thing I stopped for the month.  It was only the beginning for me.  Once you do this, then add something month by month, you will see the difference each month.  As you go on you can start to add an exercise such as a brisk walk or jog or swimming.  It's easy not to buy it and easier not to drink it eat it if it's not in front of you, rather than force yourself to east cauliflower if you don't like the taste of it.

3:  Think positive

Never under estimate the power of positive thinking.  It not only helps you eliminate stress, but it can increase you confidence as well as expand you horizons.  Positive people bring happiness and healthiness into their lives, so keep being positive.

4:  Get motivated and moving

Every day you should get up, get motivated and get moving for at least and hour.  Go for a walk, a hike, find a new hobby, play tennis or go swimming at the "Y", take cooking classes or volunteer at the local shelter.  Whatever it is you, don't do it sitting on your ass.

5:  Find time for a "calm" moment in life

I know I said get off your ass for an hour a day, but you also need to have some down time too.  So while you grab yourself that new awesome activity, also find something quiet and calming like learning to knit or take a nice hot bath, maybe you love to garden or meditate.  I know I love to quilt or crochet, it puts me in this zone because you have to have patience and really can't pay attention to the surroundings while doing it.  I have to sew, cut, count, iron then sew again.  I love it!

The quilt below was the most recent project of mine that I just finishes about 2 weeks ago.  I absolutely love crafting.

6:  Be organized or de-clutter

Stop and take a look around the room.  I mean a good look, how much of a clutter-bug are you?  Me I am OCD, but I clutter.  Imagine that?  I keep everything, yet organized, I know sounds crazy right? Think if it this way, I know exactly where everything is, but not hoarding at all no where even close, I file, organize and file more, even my closets are in color order so I know what I am wearing.  I have my boots on hangers so they don't get bend marks in them (oh, this is another use for those pants hangers).

I can't stand when they have bend marks in them, kind of like creases in jeans, yuck!  Unless they are supposed to have them, that's different.  So, take about a half hour and get rid of the "stuff" you don't use any more.  Sell if, junk it or donate it.  Now you know there are people out there worse off than you, because first off if you can read this, you are paying for Internet or got to a place with public Internet, so either you have Internet or your own computer.  This means someone is worse off than you, so donate that old stuff you don't need anymore and move on with the new healthier happier you!

7:  Be early

This was never me until the last few years.  I finally figured out how to do it, geez.  I now put all of my appointments in my book/phone/organizer 15 minutes early so that I am at least on time or early for everything.  What was I thinking all these years, lol.  What a difference.  I am much happier, the doctors and my friends don't say anything to me anymore.  I was always late at least 10 minutes.  I couldn't help it.  It was just how I was.  I never gave myself time for parking and walking to the building or function.  Who would have thought about that one.  A mere 5 minutes to walk and having to drive through the parking lot five times before finding a spot was another three or four minutes.  Just schedule that little bit of extra buffer time in for whatever may happen.  I am no longer stressed out about that and my days seem to go smoothly.  

8:  Sleep

Get a good night's sleep.  I know easier said than done, especially in my case.  I do not sleep well at all because of my many illnesses.  If you can sleep, do it!  Your body will love you back for it.  It is very important for you, mind, body and soul.  This allows your body to re-energize and repair itself and get back a normal working condition.  Your brain needs the rest too.  Not having enough sleep is hard on every aspect of your body and can play trick on yourself.  Getting enough sleep during the night allows your body to regain all the energy lost and it will make you alert and happy again back to where you should be.  Don't lose out on a good night's sleep it's more harm than you'll ever know.

9:  Exercise regularly

I know, I know, blah, blah, blah.  Oh, stop already.  Just do it!  You don't have to go out and join the damn gym and look like those guys with the 6-pack and smoking calves or those women with the tight abs and butts who work out every single day.  Look at my pictures I posted of myself a few post ago.  Yes, that is really me!  I was all sorts of flabby and yuck.  I started out just like I am posting and then after 2 years I joined the gym because of where I live.  I can't even walk on my road because it's a highway.  Way too much traffic.  I do work out 3-5 times a week and it's murder believe me.  It isn't a picnic by any means.  It is hard work every time.  If you want an awesome body, then you have to work for it.  If you want a big ass and wide as your couch, well then sit on your couch all day.  Think of your job, do you sit at your job and just get by, well how's that raise coming then?  Are you a go getter and got that raise, well then think of your body like your job, work at it and it will give back to you.  It's the only one you have.  The only other way I can think of putting it is like a car, if you maintain it and change the oil, wash, clean and take care of it, well then you will have it forever.  If you don't then it will break down constantly and rust out before it finally dies and have to go to the junk yard.  I know I don't want that happening to me!  I sure don't want that for anyone else!  Take care of your body, it is yours and no one elses!  Do this from home, use your own stairs, your living room, or basement, there are no excuses why you can't except that you don't care bout yourself.

10:  Love yourself

Love yourself.  Have faith in yourself and love yourself like no else.  You can do it and you can do everything you set your mind to.  Rule number 1...don't sweat the small stuff.  Rule number 2...everything is small stuff!  Love yourself because if you don't love yourself how can you begin to love someone else.  Having the ability to believe in yourself is hard work, but I believe that you can do it.  It all begins with YOU!

Life is full of mysteries, gifts and surprises.

Life is full of mysteries, gifts and surprises.  What we do with them all is on us.  We treat each other in a way that only we would hope to be treated in return.  There are many people in the world whom want the same thing in life but seemingly enough are afraid to show it in front of others due to thinking they may get made afraid of or even mocked.  Do not let this stop you from showing your real and true colors.  If you want to be loved and respected, then show love and respect all the time.  If you want to be treated in such a manner as to be stomped on, walked over and disrespected  then thats what you will be.  You will find out and in full force.  Be happy with yourself and it will be a full
luminescence of who you are.  You will radiate the beauty of happiness, confidence and pure elation no matter what the situation brings.

Beauty and happiness comes from within, what you live and breathe.  This is what bring mysteries, gifts and surprises.  Not necessarily meaning those of monetary value, but those of the loving kind.  Giving love to receive love in my eyes is the best gift of all.  Ok, getting flowers or a surprise candle light dinner is a beautiful thing, but theres nothing like the true gift of pure unadulterated love.  Simple, true and real.  Looking into someone's eyes and just knowing, no words, no sounds, nothing, just knowing.  Holding hands and feeling the warmth embody you, the electricity go throughout your entire body because you know you belong together.  That it's still a in life mystery why you feel the electric spark.  No one knows why it does this, but it does.  The magnetism of love when two people who belong together in life, finally come together, amazing, the spark.  The meeting of two souls, two people, two loves with such vehement for each other that you can see feel the love between them as you look on from the outside.

Life is full of mysteries, gifts and surprises.  What we do with them is all on us.  How we take care of one another is dependent upon how we want to be treated in return.  Loving, cherished, respected and cared for is the kind of person I am and who you are to me.  I love you, adore you, respect you.  I cherish you and miss you when we aren't together.  You make me proud just knowing you and being a part of your life and to that I am so glad that we have known each other for years prior to you becoming my significant other. Counting the days!

This is me

I figured I needed to post a picture on here so show you the difference I have made with myself.  Not only have I lost weight, but also I have lost a person.  The old me is gone, the miserable, unhappy one that didn't have any energy or stamina to do anything.

This was taken approximately April 2007 during my youngest daughter's birthday party.  I weighed just under 200lbs.  If you have read my other blogs associated with this one you will see that I have had brain surgery in November 2005 for an illness called Arnold Chiari Malformation.  I am not using that as an excuse for the weight gain or loss for that matter, but a time mark for myself.

It was when I was looking at this picture along with a few others when I realized that I just sat back and said, "What the hell am I doing to myself?"  Besides the fact that I almost died from the Arnold Chiari Malformation, I was slowly killing myself with all the crap and unhealthy food I was eating plus not exercising, oh besides the fact that my brain(it was my actual brain) was herniating (growing massively) downward into my spinal canal and choking me on a regular basis whilst I slept. There were nights that I honestly thought someone was choking me and woke up in a frenzy.  I seriously thought someone was trying to kill me. 

The top one picture is from the summer of 2011 and the bottom one is from May of this year, 2012.  I was eating healthier and exercising routinely and still do.  You can see the huge difference.  I have shed so much weight that I cannot see the old me.  I have to thank Jenny Craig although I never stepped foot in their facility.  I was embarrassed to.  I was embarrassed, too proud, too much of an idiot, now that I think about it.  I am a research type of person, so looking up diets and weight loss I found that Jenny Craig was one of the most put together places around.  I looked on their website and learned a lot about eating and myself.

Well holy moly, I weighed just over 14 stone (that’s a lot of stones).  It sounded better than almost 200 pounds.  I learned what a serving was and how to trim fats and carbohydrates out of my diet.  I exercised and learned how to self-motivated better than I already did.  Thanks Jenny!

It is amazing what we do to our bodies.  I will never and I mean never let myself go again.  Never ever! I feel so much better than I ever have.  Ok, so I have a rare illness or two that may have killed me and may still for that matter, but I feel so much better and I look good too.  I do know that there is no one out there that will take as good care of you than you, so get off your ass and just do it today.  Don't hurt yourself trying to get it done in 6 months, because that is just plain crazy.  Slow, easy and fun!  Be happy and be healthy!

Starting over.

Starting over.  When I finally decided it was time for me to stop the crap finally, you know the game you play, the game with yourself, just one more chip or cookie or I can eat what ever and work out harder tomorrow.  I finally realized that I was very miserable.  I mean deep down inside uncontrollable miserable.  Yelled at my kids for things they really shouldn't have been yelled at for, didn't talk to people, never really go out in public, things like that.  I will give you the best advice I gave my self.  It's really simple.  Just stick with it and it really will work. Yeah, okay.  We all have gone through it at one point.  I know, easier said than done, but it's true, please listen to me.  I would never give advice that wasn't nor that wasn't easy.  Simple and easy, the only way.  

1:  Give yourself realistic goals.  Example:  I weighed 200lbs (ok, 197.5lbs. and I refused to see that 200 pound mark, I decided for myself that was it).   10% per week is a lot to lose! 1-2 pounds is nothing, I am not kidding!!!!!  Don't kill yourself!  So in the first year I decided that I only wanted to lose 15-20 pounds and keep it off.  THIS IS A LOT! and hard to keep off. So slow and easy is realistic and much better for you and your body and mind!

2:  Drink lots of water!  You body needs water.  You may not realize it, but you may actually be thirsty and not hungry.  If you don't like water (I do hear that quite a bit) add lemon or lime even a squeeze of orange etc. but not a lot, you need the water not some sweetened drink or artificial sweetener.  Your body will love you for it, it truly will! Oh and by the way, quit drinking the soda!! That crap isn't any good for you at all!  That's a guaranteed loss of 10-15 pounds in a month all in itself, with doing nothing else, no joke, just the sugar content alone. Especially if you drink a lot of it.  

3:  Don't stop eating all together, you need to eat, rather add fruits and vegetables to your diet.  If you eat the correct servings of fruits and vegetables a day you will get balance you need and be less likely to overeat during the course of the day. (see a pattern here? eating? and correctly)

4:  Measure your food, this was hard for me but, you need to learn how to truly eat! (if you don't want to start this yet, don't, add this step once you get a schedule going)  I'm not talking go crazy.  I will give you a quick tip that trained me to do this by eye.  A handful of blueberries is a serving for blueberries, on a serving of cereal for breakfast for instance, but you need to find out exactly what you serving size is depending on the cereal you eat.  Usually it's about 1 cup. (8oz.).  Once you add the blueberries or strawberries it really does fill you up. Try it out for a few days first, don't knock it until you try it.  Oh, and don't fill the bowl to the top and put in tons of milk!  I mean come on!  This would be like 2 1/2 servings.  That's like 2+ meals.  I have done it, a lot!  DO THIS FIRST:  Pour you cereal in a bowl, no milk, your normal routine, then go get your measuring cups, see how much you actually have been pouring in the bowl every time, hmm, bet it's not a serving, more like 2 or 3.  Just cutting that back to a serving and adding fruit will help in weight loss and help better your digestive tract, you will be amazed, I was.  

Here is a few things to think about:

1/2 of a small bagel is like eating 1/2 a packaged of English Muffins (that's just half of a bagel)

1 medium fruit is the size of a baseball

a juice glass is 6 oz., not that big ol' glass you've been gulping down

1/2 cup cooked rice will fit in the palm of you hand

1 oz of cheese is about the size of 2 dominoes

3oz meat is about the size of a deck of cards

1/2 cup of fresh fruit is about the size of a baseball   

You should also eat from a smaller plate this way it seems as if you have more food on your plate.  

5:  Eat a little bit a lot of times a day.  Just kind of much out a long the day.  This way you never really overeat during one meal. 

6:  Eat protein at every meal.  It is much better for your body than carbs and more satisfying, as well as a host of extras.

7:  I tell everyone who asks me.  Don't stop eating everything, just do it in moderation.  I still eat a candy bar and ice cream.  Just not every day or on the same day.  I do not reward myself because then I have to constantly beat what I did before, this was you don't think you should have a reward every time you do something great like lose 10 pounds, if you really want that small bag of chips have it, but buy a small bag not the family sized bag.  To me this is not a game, this is life and my health.  If I want something, I am an adult and I will have it, but I need to do what is right for me.  MODERATION, MODERATION,  MODERATION!!!

8:  One of the best pieces of advice someone gave me and I can pass on is clear out your kitchen of all the crap food you have and stock up with the healthy foods!  This way you have nothing but good food to eat and munch on you won't eat the crap food and stop buying the crap food!

9:  Exercise.  A brief walk is great after a meal.  Just hanging out in the pool burns a ton of calories and so does making love so there is no reason not to burn off some calories today!  You can burn calories doing so many things, but you have to get up off your butt and do them.

10:  Best for last!  Just start now.  There is no reason to put off tomorrow what you can start today.  I mean who are you waiting for, you?  No one else is going to do this for you.  I mean really is you BFF going to the gym with you everyday?  Are they going to cook your food and watch what you eat, seriously, uh, NO! They will help and be supportive (hopefully), but they aren't spoon feeding you, you have to do it!   Just get up and do it.  Otherwise, you will be more miserable and get bigger or sicker then you were before, oh I know, I was there!  Believe me I was there! The bigger you get the more health issues you are apt to get.  Not only was I a large, okay extra large woman, but I was borderline diabetic, my allergies were horrendous, I still have some of them now, but they are better, I had so many more medical issues and besides I felt like crap daily.  I am no longer diabetic, or have high blood pressure or high cholesterol.  I feel fantastic in those aspects and an much happier.  There is no better time than the present! Get up and get moving!!

Lets go.  I have faith in you :)