Anxiety

When do you become anxious? Do we have the ability to control the situation all the time? Yes, I believe we can overcome being anxious but to a degree. Given the right situation we can all get anxious. Say you are in the doctors office for your annual check up when all of a sudden the doctor finds a mole and decides to scrape it off and send it out. Just to be sure. This has been there for years and you have never been bothered by it , but you changed jobs and recently obtained new insurance so had to switch doctors. It's not a big deal the doctor assures you. It's just to give you piece of mind. Okay, you agree and go about your day. Well, a few days go by and you hear nothing. You go to lunch with a good friend and start telling them what happened to you. Your buddy stats telling you this horror story about some other friend that started the same way and how that friend has some sort if rare skin cancer now. Gee buddy, thanks a million. Just what I went to much for today, to be depressed. Driving home you start feeling anxious and now you have this sudden urge to call the doctors office and ask questions. What do you do now? Do you call and freak out or do you wait it out? Anxiety and stress is a killer. I got it go home and try to look up as much information about it as you can. Holy crap, now I'm really a wreck. Do you know how many types of moles there are? I'm not even going to get going on that one.  I ended up going home, and looking at myself in the mirror for an hour at all the moles by the way, just in case.  Not that any of them looked like they were cancerous, because afterwards I looked them all up online and compared them anyway, this of course was after I took pictures of them, zoomed in of course then compared them.  So anxious, NAHHHH, freaked out was more like it.  Maybe this is why I don't hang out with certain friends of mine, I know who is going to say what to me.  Well holy crap.  I never thought of that before this.

I already have six titanium cancer markers in my breasts, do I need more stress?  Really do I?  Nope, but thanks. Moles, checked, all good.  What next, I swear I want both breast totally removed and new ones.  I just had a sonogram the other day Friday to be in fact, the 19th, all clear, well as clear as they could be, I suppose. Come back in six months is what I get told because I am so cystic, YEAH, I'm so excited, yes that was sarcastic.  I am so overjoyed.  What the heck, really, this is what I really want to do with my time every six months, all year, worry, freak, twice a year until next time.  Then what, freak some more.  I swear they just want you to think about it for the whole time.  The insurance companies won't pay to have a mastectomy done unless something is there so it's a waiting game, but they will pay to have titanium clips put in, tumor markers if you will, to sit and watch, for changes.  I wonder if they will pay to go to a Psychiatrist with all the anxiety us women go through for all the waiting and wondering what the next six months will have in store, probably not.  I try not to think about it and move on to the next thing, task in life.  I am just happy I only have six and not eight like they told me in the beginning.

Life itself is anxious, bringing about new beginnings and drastic endings.  Every turn and every path you go down has something to look forward to and some things we don't want to see at all.  How is it when we go to the doctor, they say to us to stay away from stress and anxiety, HA, I laugh at you doc. Stay away! I truly think the only way to do this is to 1: don't go to the doctor, 2: don't have children, 3: don't have a relationship, 4: stop working, 5: don't own a home or vehicle, 6: you must be independently wealthy in order to do this or live in a remote place that needs nothing but love and clean air to run and live., I think this may be able to happen if you are sleeping and in a dream, but you still may be miserable and lonely, then be stressed and anxious due to the fact that you are alone, so, back to the drawing board.

I am somewhat stress-free, and about as anti-anxious and I can be, yeah, who am I kidding.  The way I keep stress out of my life is I leave out the negative, people, places and things.  All the way around, the best I can.  As for anxiety, well, we all have it no matter what, bills, medical, home, children, life, animals.  We just have to learn how to control it, which I have, again, the best I can an that I have done well.

Some days, yes, are much better than others, but, hey, we all do it.  I am far from being perfect and if I were, I would have nothing to do all day now would I :)  Oh, by the way the mole finally cam back and it was a neurofibroma, anxiety is all gone, at least for now and for that. Live, laugh and love.

That's your child, no matter what.

In the wake of the bombings and the shootings at the elementary school recently along with many, many other acts of just random and not so random acts of selfishness, crazy, mean, pure evil, malevolent, terroristic, events I have been seeing on television, non-stop as well as reading about I really needed to write something, so here it goes.  That's your child, no matter what.  I watch the media just drag this apart, from one end to the other about the bombing.  Come on already.  This they call, who claims to be these boys, yes I say boys, because I have two girls teenagers, under 21, and you're not mature at 21, he claims they are angels, OH PLEASE, there is no one in my book teenager to 30 that is an angel, NO ONE.  If you are reading this you know it's true.  Your parents don't know everything you do, mine sure didn't, so I can speculate that theirs didn't, from trying a drink, to hanging out with people they wouldn't approve of.

As for what they did on their free time after school, I highly doubt that their "dad" knew a damn thing.  So let's just move on from him.  Same goes for the kid who did the shooting in the school, dad was out of the picture, see a pattern here.  I am no psychologist, and far from any doctrine degree, but coming from a dysfunctional family that bad, it will mess you up.  This is not any excuse, because I did also and I would never in a bazillion years hurt a sole. It takes a strong minded person to break that chain. The way I see it, is that the bombing boys, they decided a long time ago that they wanted to do this, they trained and learned how to create bombs, they knew how to use weapons of mass destruction, they meant harm.  Creating a get away, physically fit, the entire facade, years to create and build or at least trying to.

As for school boy, I feel as if he snapped, something made him go to the school and create harm, why the children, terrible I know, but it was to get back at what hurt him the most.  As terrible as it seems, when we hurt, we lash out and make those around us hurt more to make ourselves feel better.  I just feel that this is what he did.  His mom wasn't exactly the most loving, caring person in the world, but again, no reason to act the way he did.  What makes a person tick the way they do?  Only they know.  It's extremely sad for all the loss and devastation it has caused, but no matter what, that's you child.  What would you do?   I am in no way, shape of form making any of this okay, giving them an out because of family issues, or even trying to make it look as if I believe for an instant that any of it was acceptable for any reason whatsoever.  I am just making a point, that no matter what, they are someone's child.  Turn the tables for a brief moment, a glimpse, and think if it were yours who did this, what would you do? How would you react?  Would you have ever known?  Do you hug you kids enough?  Do you know what they do and where they go or do you just sit on the computer playing Farmville or watch your soaps and yessing them to death when they want to go out with their friends? I would much rather know where they are than be left in the dark or get that dreaded phone call from the hospital or police at 3am, all because I never communicated with my kids.  Live, laugh and love.

Working out

Working out.  How do you define working out?  What do you do to work out?  Do you go to the gym or walk in the park or go to the local high school and swim?  Me personally, I go to the gym.  I love to work out.  I know it sounds crazy but I feel when I don't work out I feel like I'm cheating.  Almost as if I did something guilty!  I have some friends who go swim a few times a week at the local high school and enjoy that very much.  I know that burns a lot of calories.  I own a pool, but I would freeze my butt off about now since its 40-50 degrees out, oh and my pool is outside.  I would love an indoor pool or one with a solarium.  That would be the best, then swimming all the time would be great.  

Other people I know love to just go walk.  They walk wherever they can, in the park or the mall.  It's great, and free.  It's not easy getting motivated by yourself a few times a week to stay on track and keep yourself fit.  There are mall walkers clubs all over.  I see signs for them.  Check it out the next time you are at the local mall.  The Gallerias usually have them, for the most part before the regular mall hours start and this is a very good idea because its indoor, so the weather is perfect, plus when you are done, you can go shopping if you want to.  Not that I would, because I would be a bit sweaty, well maybe not, depending upon how fast I was walking.  Walking is the best the you can do for you along with eating healthy.  Working out in general is the best thing you can do for your body, just don't over do it.  

The other day I was at lunch with my girl friend and I ran into another friend of mine.  He says to me how good I look and I returned the compliment, because he looked amazing.  I ask him where he has been that I haven't seen him at the gym, but we usually don't run into each other much there has he has a crazy schedule.  He tells me that his body has plateaued and he is no longer trimming down like he wants to.

Well if you are reading this and you know anything about working out or don't, then you will want to know that you need to change how you work out.  When I mean change I don't mean daily or weekly.  I mean your body becomes accustomed to how you work out and then it will peak and stop burning and trimming down.  This is when you have to just switch your routine around, do it backwards or add something new, take something away, just do something different.  It's tricking your body into thinking its learning new routines and then it will burn, shape and trim again.  This is why if you go to a trainer or gym where they have trainers, they tell you not to work on abs or legs etc. more than three times in the same week.  It won't make a difference.  Our bodies learn quick, we are people of nature, as so are our bodies.  We learn fast, well our bodies do, us, we are quite pig-headed most of us and take quite a while to let things sink in.  Those of us reading this know exactly what I mean.  

When you work out, don't go crazy, just have fun, enjoy and change it up.  You will get more than just a great work out.  You will stay fit, have a great body and not become bored with the same routine.  If you go to the gym, go there a few times plus if you have a local high school that has free swim, go there once a week this will add to your workout all the way around.  Go do and learn new things, enjoy what you do, meet new people and have fun.  Don't be a bump on a log, get up and get out there.

Enjoy, stay fit, be happy and healthy!

Giving back to the needy

Giving back to the needy is something I do quite often.  Not only do I give monetarily, but I volunteer a lot.  Sometimes too much I have been told.  Lately I have evaluated my life and decided to curtail my volunteering quite a bit.  I have condensed what I do and decided to only volunteer at one museum instead of two and for one church rather than three or four.  I know, where did I get the time.  I do not go to church every week, but love when I do go.  I recently helped scrape and repaint the entire basement and food pantry of a local church, the proceeded to make 12' X 9' curtains along with six matching sets of panels for the windows that were all bare in the basement.  This was where the functions took place, so having bare windows was quite creepy.  It looks incredible now for them plus gives them privacy.  Prior to that the paint had been there so long, that it was actually falling off the walls.  One of my best girlfriends had been going there for years and asked if I would help her out, well of course she knew I would, one because she is one of my best friends and two they seriously needed the help.  A small local church that only depends on what small contributions they receive during tidings.  I received great joy and pleasure in making the curtains and painting for them and especially seeing the look on all their faces when it was done.  Just the pure appreciation from them was incredible.  A few others jumped in and helped paint from time to time and one other person paid for the paint.  I found this to be wonderful.

Yesterday, Sunday, I went to service and not to preach, because I do not by any means, believe me, but its been a while since I was there. A man was talking about having a class to talk about giving,  people who give too much, BINGO, were they talking to me, lol!  I inquired about this later of course to find out what this was about, just being curious.  It is just a short class about why we give to people, the needy.  Do we do it because we need to ourselves, are we a servant or a sucker? Holy crap!  Okay, I can handle that, am I a sucker.  I an sitting here laughing, no really I give all the time, up until recently, like I said.  I guess I was supposed to go yesterday.  It had been at least 5 weeks or so since I had been to a service.  I mentioned before I get sick and in a lot of pain, so I don't leave my home quite often in the winter months.

I guess I will stop by this class just to "check it out".  Boy am I a sucker or what, lmao!  I will help the needy as long as the needy can help themselves.  If you, anyone for that matter, is in need, any time in their lives, because, I for one know, we all need a hand from time to time, physically, emotionally, mentally or otherwise unstated, I will help you, but if you are unwilling to help yourself, I will not come back and help you again.  This in my mind means you are unwilling to help yourself move forward in your life.  I will cut the cord and let you fly on your own.  It is hard, yes, but I have done it and tough love is the way it has to be.  Social Services should be a stepping stone not a way of life.  In my eyes, there should be a limit, whether a time limit or monetary limit, there should be one.  Send them to school, job place them, give them day care, something, not a permanent crutch.  Life is too short and people get stuck in ruts way to fast.  Give a man fish and feed them for a day, teach a man to fish and feed them for a life time.

My top ten list of ways to start you on your way to a healthy life

My top ten list of ways to start you on your way to a healthy life:

1:  Think healthy

This by far is the most important to me.  If you don't put yourself in the mind set of wanting to be healthy then nothing else you do matters.  You can eat right, diet and exercise all you want and you will not be healthy because it all starts with a healthy mind.  Think healthy and everything else follows and falls into place.

2:  Buy healthy

This may sound easy, but let me assure you it's not.  I will be the first one, okay probably the 21st one to tell you to not buy the cookies and candy and soda that you have been indulging on, but your your own health, just sop buying it and you won't eat it.  This is the start of a new beginning.  Don't make this a New Year's Resolution that you will break by, oh let's say today, just start today or Friday.  Give yourself a date on the calendar, in PEN, and stick with it!  Don't turn back.  Weigh yourself if it's numbers that concern you, most people are concerned with that.  I have no idea why its the pounds, but it is.  SO let's start with that.  Pick a day, write it down and give yourself 30 days, believe me it goes quick, DO NOT weigh yourself in between, do it at the end of the 30 days.  Do not buy soda, cookies or cake, that type of junk. Pick one or two things.  Make it easy for yourself and start there.  At then end of the 30 days check your weight, you will be amazed.  I promise you that if you are an avid soda drinker or junk food junkie you will lose weight.  I did.  I lost 20 pounds in a month and I drank diet soda.  That was the only thing I stopped for the month.  It was only the beginning for me.  Once you do this, then add something month by month, you will see the difference each month.  As you go on you can start to add an exercise such as a brisk walk or jog or swimming.  It's easy not to buy it and easier not to drink it eat it if it's not in front of you, rather than force yourself to east cauliflower if you don't like the taste of it.

3:  Think positive

Never under estimate the power of positive thinking.  It not only helps you eliminate stress, but it can increase you confidence as well as expand you horizons.  Positive people bring happiness and healthiness into their lives, so keep being positive.

4:  Get motivated and moving

Every day you should get up, get motivated and get moving for at least and hour.  Go for a walk, a hike, find a new hobby, play tennis or go swimming at the "Y", take cooking classes or volunteer at the local shelter.  Whatever it is you, don't do it sitting on your ass.

5:  Find time for a "calm" moment in life

I know I said get off your ass for an hour a day, but you also need to have some down time too.  So while you grab yourself that new awesome activity, also find something quiet and calming like learning to knit or take a nice hot bath, maybe you love to garden or meditate.  I know I love to quilt or crochet, it puts me in this zone because you have to have patience and really can't pay attention to the surroundings while doing it.  I have to sew, cut, count, iron then sew again.  I love it!

The quilt below was the most recent project of mine that I just finishes about 2 weeks ago.  I absolutely love crafting.

6:  Be organized or de-clutter

Stop and take a look around the room.  I mean a good look, how much of a clutter-bug are you?  Me I am OCD, but I clutter.  Imagine that?  I keep everything, yet organized, I know sounds crazy right? Think if it this way, I know exactly where everything is, but not hoarding at all no where even close, I file, organize and file more, even my closets are in color order so I know what I am wearing.  I have my boots on hangers so they don't get bend marks in them (oh, this is another use for those pants hangers).

I can't stand when they have bend marks in them, kind of like creases in jeans, yuck!  Unless they are supposed to have them, that's different.  So, take about a half hour and get rid of the "stuff" you don't use any more.  Sell if, junk it or donate it.  Now you know there are people out there worse off than you, because first off if you can read this, you are paying for Internet or got to a place with public Internet, so either you have Internet or your own computer.  This means someone is worse off than you, so donate that old stuff you don't need anymore and move on with the new healthier happier you!

7:  Be early

This was never me until the last few years.  I finally figured out how to do it, geez.  I now put all of my appointments in my book/phone/organizer 15 minutes early so that I am at least on time or early for everything.  What was I thinking all these years, lol.  What a difference.  I am much happier, the doctors and my friends don't say anything to me anymore.  I was always late at least 10 minutes.  I couldn't help it.  It was just how I was.  I never gave myself time for parking and walking to the building or function.  Who would have thought about that one.  A mere 5 minutes to walk and having to drive through the parking lot five times before finding a spot was another three or four minutes.  Just schedule that little bit of extra buffer time in for whatever may happen.  I am no longer stressed out about that and my days seem to go smoothly.  

8:  Sleep

Get a good night's sleep.  I know easier said than done, especially in my case.  I do not sleep well at all because of my many illnesses.  If you can sleep, do it!  Your body will love you back for it.  It is very important for you, mind, body and soul.  This allows your body to re-energize and repair itself and get back a normal working condition.  Your brain needs the rest too.  Not having enough sleep is hard on every aspect of your body and can play trick on yourself.  Getting enough sleep during the night allows your body to regain all the energy lost and it will make you alert and happy again back to where you should be.  Don't lose out on a good night's sleep it's more harm than you'll ever know.

9:  Exercise regularly

I know, I know, blah, blah, blah.  Oh, stop already.  Just do it!  You don't have to go out and join the damn gym and look like those guys with the 6-pack and smoking calves or those women with the tight abs and butts who work out every single day.  Look at my pictures I posted of myself a few post ago.  Yes, that is really me!  I was all sorts of flabby and yuck.  I started out just like I am posting and then after 2 years I joined the gym because of where I live.  I can't even walk on my road because it's a highway.  Way too much traffic.  I do work out 3-5 times a week and it's murder believe me.  It isn't a picnic by any means.  It is hard work every time.  If you want an awesome body, then you have to work for it.  If you want a big ass and wide as your couch, well then sit on your couch all day.  Think of your job, do you sit at your job and just get by, well how's that raise coming then?  Are you a go getter and got that raise, well then think of your body like your job, work at it and it will give back to you.  It's the only one you have.  The only other way I can think of putting it is like a car, if you maintain it and change the oil, wash, clean and take care of it, well then you will have it forever.  If you don't then it will break down constantly and rust out before it finally dies and have to go to the junk yard.  I know I don't want that happening to me!  I sure don't want that for anyone else!  Take care of your body, it is yours and no one elses!  Do this from home, use your own stairs, your living room, or basement, there are no excuses why you can't except that you don't care bout yourself.

10:  Love yourself

Love yourself.  Have faith in yourself and love yourself like no else.  You can do it and you can do everything you set your mind to.  Rule number 1...don't sweat the small stuff.  Rule number 2...everything is small stuff!  Love yourself because if you don't love yourself how can you begin to love someone else.  Having the ability to believe in yourself is hard work, but I believe that you can do it.  It all begins with YOU!

Life is full of mysteries, gifts and surprises.

Life is full of mysteries, gifts and surprises.  What we do with them all is on us.  We treat each other in a way that only we would hope to be treated in return.  There are many people in the world whom want the same thing in life but seemingly enough are afraid to show it in front of others due to thinking they may get made afraid of or even mocked.  Do not let this stop you from showing your real and true colors.  If you want to be loved and respected, then show love and respect all the time.  If you want to be treated in such a manner as to be stomped on, walked over and disrespected  then thats what you will be.  You will find out and in full force.  Be happy with yourself and it will be a full
luminescence of who you are.  You will radiate the beauty of happiness, confidence and pure elation no matter what the situation brings.

Beauty and happiness comes from within, what you live and breathe.  This is what bring mysteries, gifts and surprises.  Not necessarily meaning those of monetary value, but those of the loving kind.  Giving love to receive love in my eyes is the best gift of all.  Ok, getting flowers or a surprise candle light dinner is a beautiful thing, but theres nothing like the true gift of pure unadulterated love.  Simple, true and real.  Looking into someone's eyes and just knowing, no words, no sounds, nothing, just knowing.  Holding hands and feeling the warmth embody you, the electricity go throughout your entire body because you know you belong together.  That it's still a in life mystery why you feel the electric spark.  No one knows why it does this, but it does.  The magnetism of love when two people who belong together in life, finally come together, amazing, the spark.  The meeting of two souls, two people, two loves with such vehement for each other that you can see feel the love between them as you look on from the outside.

Life is full of mysteries, gifts and surprises.  What we do with them is all on us.  How we take care of one another is dependent upon how we want to be treated in return.  Loving, cherished, respected and cared for is the kind of person I am and who you are to me.  I love you, adore you, respect you.  I cherish you and miss you when we aren't together.  You make me proud just knowing you and being a part of your life and to that I am so glad that we have known each other for years prior to you becoming my significant other. Counting the days!

This is me

I figured I needed to post a picture on here so show you the difference I have made with myself.  Not only have I lost weight, but also I have lost a person.  The old me is gone, the miserable, unhappy one that didn't have any energy or stamina to do anything.

This was taken approximately April 2007 during my youngest daughter's birthday party.  I weighed just under 200lbs.  If you have read my other blogs associated with this one you will see that I have had brain surgery in November 2005 for an illness called Arnold Chiari Malformation.  I am not using that as an excuse for the weight gain or loss for that matter, but a time mark for myself.

It was when I was looking at this picture along with a few others when I realized that I just sat back and said, "What the hell am I doing to myself?"  Besides the fact that I almost died from the Arnold Chiari Malformation, I was slowly killing myself with all the crap and unhealthy food I was eating plus not exercising, oh besides the fact that my brain(it was my actual brain) was herniating (growing massively) downward into my spinal canal and choking me on a regular basis whilst I slept. There were nights that I honestly thought someone was choking me and woke up in a frenzy.  I seriously thought someone was trying to kill me. 

The top one picture is from the summer of 2011 and the bottom one is from May of this year, 2012.  I was eating healthier and exercising routinely and still do.  You can see the huge difference.  I have shed so much weight that I cannot see the old me.  I have to thank Jenny Craig although I never stepped foot in their facility.  I was embarrassed to.  I was embarrassed, too proud, too much of an idiot, now that I think about it.  I am a research type of person, so looking up diets and weight loss I found that Jenny Craig was one of the most put together places around.  I looked on their website and learned a lot about eating and myself.

Well holy moly, I weighed just over 14 stone (that’s a lot of stones).  It sounded better than almost 200 pounds.  I learned what a serving was and how to trim fats and carbohydrates out of my diet.  I exercised and learned how to self-motivated better than I already did.  Thanks Jenny!

It is amazing what we do to our bodies.  I will never and I mean never let myself go again.  Never ever! I feel so much better than I ever have.  Ok, so I have a rare illness or two that may have killed me and may still for that matter, but I feel so much better and I look good too.  I do know that there is no one out there that will take as good care of you than you, so get off your ass and just do it today.  Don't hurt yourself trying to get it done in 6 months, because that is just plain crazy.  Slow, easy and fun!  Be happy and be healthy!