Anxiety

When do you become anxious? Do we have the ability to control the situation all the time? Yes, I believe we can overcome being anxious but to a degree. Given the right situation we can all get anxious. Say you are in the doctors office for your annual check up when all of a sudden the doctor finds a mole and decides to scrape it off and send it out. Just to be sure. This has been there for years and you have never been bothered by it , but you changed jobs and recently obtained new insurance so had to switch doctors. It's not a big deal the doctor assures you. It's just to give you piece of mind. Okay, you agree and go about your day. Well, a few days go by and you hear nothing. You go to lunch with a good friend and start telling them what happened to you. Your buddy stats telling you this horror story about some other friend that started the same way and how that friend has some sort if rare skin cancer now. Gee buddy, thanks a million. Just what I went to much for today, to be depressed. Driving home you start feeling anxious and now you have this sudden urge to call the doctors office and ask questions. What do you do now? Do you call and freak out or do you wait it out? Anxiety and stress is a killer. I got it go home and try to look up as much information about it as you can. Holy crap, now I'm really a wreck. Do you know how many types of moles there are? I'm not even going to get going on that one.  I ended up going home, and looking at myself in the mirror for an hour at all the moles by the way, just in case.  Not that any of them looked like they were cancerous, because afterwards I looked them all up online and compared them anyway, this of course was after I took pictures of them, zoomed in of course then compared them.  So anxious, NAHHHH, freaked out was more like it.  Maybe this is why I don't hang out with certain friends of mine, I know who is going to say what to me.  Well holy crap.  I never thought of that before this.

I already have six titanium cancer markers in my breasts, do I need more stress?  Really do I?  Nope, but thanks. Moles, checked, all good.  What next, I swear I want both breast totally removed and new ones.  I just had a sonogram the other day Friday to be in fact, the 19th, all clear, well as clear as they could be, I suppose. Come back in six months is what I get told because I am so cystic, YEAH, I'm so excited, yes that was sarcastic.  I am so overjoyed.  What the heck, really, this is what I really want to do with my time every six months, all year, worry, freak, twice a year until next time.  Then what, freak some more.  I swear they just want you to think about it for the whole time.  The insurance companies won't pay to have a mastectomy done unless something is there so it's a waiting game, but they will pay to have titanium clips put in, tumor markers if you will, to sit and watch, for changes.  I wonder if they will pay to go to a Psychiatrist with all the anxiety us women go through for all the waiting and wondering what the next six months will have in store, probably not.  I try not to think about it and move on to the next thing, task in life.  I am just happy I only have six and not eight like they told me in the beginning.

Life itself is anxious, bringing about new beginnings and drastic endings.  Every turn and every path you go down has something to look forward to and some things we don't want to see at all.  How is it when we go to the doctor, they say to us to stay away from stress and anxiety, HA, I laugh at you doc. Stay away! I truly think the only way to do this is to 1: don't go to the doctor, 2: don't have children, 3: don't have a relationship, 4: stop working, 5: don't own a home or vehicle, 6: you must be independently wealthy in order to do this or live in a remote place that needs nothing but love and clean air to run and live., I think this may be able to happen if you are sleeping and in a dream, but you still may be miserable and lonely, then be stressed and anxious due to the fact that you are alone, so, back to the drawing board.

I am somewhat stress-free, and about as anti-anxious and I can be, yeah, who am I kidding.  The way I keep stress out of my life is I leave out the negative, people, places and things.  All the way around, the best I can.  As for anxiety, well, we all have it no matter what, bills, medical, home, children, life, animals.  We just have to learn how to control it, which I have, again, the best I can an that I have done well.

Some days, yes, are much better than others, but, hey, we all do it.  I am far from being perfect and if I were, I would have nothing to do all day now would I :)  Oh, by the way the mole finally cam back and it was a neurofibroma, anxiety is all gone, at least for now and for that. Live, laugh and love.