I, for the most part don't have a problem making a decision, but on the other hand feel guilty when I decide I want a new pair of beets and my kids just give me that look and say there's nothing to eat in the house. I know and all of my friends, family and mostly my kids know that is is totally false. They just don't want to cook. Life has come down to this in my eyes, what is really important at this moment in time. Well, right now it seems as of today it's not shoes, and it's not a new outfit, although that would be great right now and make me feel like a million bucks along with a great massage and a haircut.
It has recently come to my attention that I have more, well, more severe medical issues than I have had in the past. Not that they are going to kill me any faster than I was already going to die, like oh let's see 100 or so, but I am at a point of I live in pain daily. This my friends sucks. It is nothing that you would ever want to pass on to anyone. I would much rather clean bathrooms at an amusement park in the dead of summer (yeah, nasty huh). So, with this being said, I have several decisions to make now. NO, no new boots or shoes! Sounds good though.
I have to figure out where I can move, actually pick up my live, family, belongings and relocate to in order to feel at least comfortable on a more daily basis. I feel good in the summer and late spring, early fall. I am in the Hudson Valley in NY. However, the Winter is very harsh on my body and feels as if I have the Flu on a constant basis for 3-4 months without the vomiting and fever. I have been told and have read that barometric pressure plays a part on arthritic people, so I have to consider this also. I have arthritis, Arnold Chiari Malformation, Fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease in c3,c4,c5 and I do not have c1 or c2, they were both removed when I had to have brain surgery. I also have hip surgery just a year and a half ago, so my hip act up and sticks when the weather gets cold also. Migraines and allergies are also a big part. With all of these on my end, both of my girls are in their 1st year of college and love the Arts and photography.
This being said I need to find a central location with access for me for doctors and them for college. I have searched the internet high and low, all over trying to see what other people have written just for information. Anything on everything. Now it's still up to me in the end, I know, this is what I am told.
I am the one it falls on in the end. So what do you do? Do you make the decision of, we go here and buy a house in 3 months and that's it or we rent and test it out? Depending upon the state you live in you have to have residency and then I have to run my kids through the mill for schooling. What an I to do? I understand I am the mom, but crap, decisions, decisions, decisions, can't I just go to the mall and but a new pair of boots instead?
Winter is half over and they are having a great sale. Such an easy decision for me on that one and who couldn't use a new pair of black boots. When did all of this become so complicated? When did life slap me in the face and say,"Hello?" I don't remember it being this way when they were younger. I made every decision when they were young and now that they are adults I feel as if each decision I make is like walking on egg shells. I don't want to do the wrong thing and end up having my children turn out to be non-working, homeless, crack-smoking, ruthless adults who do nothing with their lives in the end, after all I am the one who raised them.
My oldest daughter, who is turning 21 in seven months, says to me the other day, "Mom, look at your hands, they are finally starting to get wrinkly." How do I take that? I am 45 and in my mind I feel 30, but my body feels 80 in the winter and I look as if I'm 35. I get told all the time how good I look, although I feel like crap on a daily basis. I smile and move forward, yet I can't make a decision on where to move? What to do? Decisions, decisions, decisions.
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