Where we are?

Do you have any idea where you are?  OK wise ass, I hear you and no I don't mean sitting in front of your computer reading this.  I mean where are you in life.  Is this where you planned to be?  Is this who you wanted to be?  Did you ever want to be here and really, I mean really did you expect to turn out this good or bad or even nearly as close to what you had expected?

Come on now, seriously.  Ask yourself.  Is this where I want to be in life?  You have a great job, or not so great job.  My boss is a complete jerk and pig-headed, he can't seem to get enough of himself and is so vain that he has mirrors all around the office as well as his name plastered everywhere, well after all the business is his and it is named after him, although it was his great grandfathers and was left to him or something of that nature.  Then again you can be exactly where you are meant to be in an awesome job, with a boss who appreciates you and knows what potential you have, puts you in the perfect places at a minutes notice and you absolutely love it, you go to work happy and come home happy.  This is awesome.  Just one question, are you happy, truly happy?  Perfect then, if not just make some adjustments and try not to be so uptight or maybe scheduled.  Maybe you need to relax or possibly take a breath.  I mean a real breath, fresh clean air.

Enjoy that sunrise or sunset that you have been missing.  Stop and smell those roses, lilies or whichever flowers you prefer, but just make sure you do it.  For me, I try to do that at least once a week, it makes things seem more realistic for me and grounded.  Life is way to short, not to enjoy the things we take for granted every day.  A simple smile, holding a door for the next person just a step or two behind you and the sun setting, which happens in the blink of an eye.

What would you do if the sun didn't come back up the next day?  Just a thought, or if no one held a door?  The world would become so irritable and crabby, nothing would grow without sunlight.  I posted the other day about people not stopping for pedestrians in a crosswalk which is a state law here in NY and that just makes me so sad to see.  It is a lack of respect in my eyes, not the fact that they don't see you.  People have no respect and are in such a hurry to get to where ever.  It just amazes me.  Slow down and enjoy life and think, how did I get here and am I truly happy, because you never know if you will be standing on the road while all the traffic is going by and no one will stop for you to let you cross, how fast are you going to get anywhere then, not very I'm thinking.  Respect life, you only have one, respect yourself, your health and others.  Live, love and laugh.

Advice...do you use it?

Advice is something in life that people all too often don't use.  Don't get me wrong, I have been given some terrible advice and know immediately not to use it, such as, oh you should just tweak your resume , they won't check it.  I don't lie.  I don't even like to "extend" the truth.  I'm not saying that I haven't, because God knows, along with our best friends who were our partners in crime at that given moment  were there.

One of my most favorite cartoons, Snoopy!  Boy could he write!

Advice can be great to have an utilize when done the right way.  Let me give you my best ten tips right now as I am feeling like I just want to hand over some well kept knowledge. Let me assure you, I'm no Lucy and would never pull the ball away before kicking it.

1:  Don't ever try to change someone.

This will never happen, no matter how hard you try or think, oh they will change because they love me or say they will, bullshit, I say, pure unadulterated bullshit.  You can change you surroundings, your clothes, your friends, hair, how you eat and everything you own,  You can change your job and anything else tangible in your life, but YOU will never change, you will always be you. Your personality is fully developed by the time you are seven years old.  So think about it, if you want to change a person and how they are, good luck to you.  You can change some of what they do and how you dress, where you work things of that nature, but who you are, this isn't going to happen.

2:  If you want to be happy, surround yourself with happy people.

Exactly what it says.  Otherwise, misery loves company.  People feed off one another.  I am a positive person and tend to be happy 95 percent of the time but find myself being negative and unhappy if I am around unhappy people.  I start talking that way and acting that way.  Get away from them and fast.

3:  Practice doesn't make perfect.  Practice makes perfect and perfect practice makes perfect.

I read this on a blog somewhere about tennis and to me it makes absolute perfect, lol, sense.  I am a perfectionist and love to do things once if possible.  I don't like to do them over and over because it just make for wasting time.  Do things slow and easy and right the first time, this way it's done right!

4:  You don't know anything until you've done it.

This is probably one of the best things I have heard.  I cannot stand when someone says, "I know" or "whatever".  UGH!!!  My two most dislike lines.  How do you know if you haven't tried it or done it and what does "whatever" really mean??  It can mean a host of things.  Bad, good or indifferent.  Say what you mean and not what I think it could mean, because I think it means the worst and usually take it to heart.  I would imagine most people do except of course the one saying it, they mean "whatever!"

5:  Arguing is pointless.

I mean really, come on now.  Not everyone in life agrees on the same thing, but why argue about it.  You can have a disagreement without the argument.  Even if you do argue, in the end you still got over it and made up, so why argue to begin with, just a bunch of hurt feelings for no reason what so ever, you didn't even do your homework on the topic at hand to begin with.  Just don't argue, simple.  No reason.  Go have that romantic dinner anyway ;)  If it's a work issue, well then you don't get into trouble and your not the bad guy.  Like I said arguing is a pointless waste of time and you could have gotten some of those unfinished projects done.

6:  The two most important questions in life are: "Why?" and "Why not?"

The trick to this one is really which one to ask and when to ask it.  People change every day and learn new things along the way.  Asking questions comes with this change.  Knowing which questions to ask and when is a big part of change.  How do we know when and where to ask?  We don't always know and how do we know what motivates us to ask these questions, we don't;  most of us don't know anyway.  We have to analyze ourselves and then we can begin to ask the questions which, will enable us to grow and learn, with this becomes change.

7:  Choose your battles wisely.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard this over the years, ten, twelve, maybe more, but this is a great one to pass on.  I can remember growing up and riding the bus to school, Mrs. Carr was her name, the bus driver, she was strict yet nice.  She would tell us, "fight nice."  I could never figure that out until I heard this.  I know what it means.  Be happy, choose wisely and why argue all wrapped up in one.  You don't need to fight over the last piece of gum, split it in half and share, change seats instead of not letting friends sit together and fight over it.  I get it Mrs. Carr, thank you :)  Don't fight the things you can't win, its a waste of precious time and fighting is just not nice.

8:  Today is the only guarantee you get.     

This is so very true.  I have come to the point in my life when I should have died on more than one occasion.  Never self inflicted, if you have kept up with my blog,you know that I have been sick for years.  I have Arnold Chiari Malformation, which is a malformation of the brain.  Surgery, which I had is just a "band-aid", and there is no cure for it.  If I didn't have the surgery I would have more than likely been dead already as my cerebral tonsils were 25mm below the base of my skull.  So when I tell you today is the only guarantee, I'm not kidding!  I had no idea I was dying, for years this was happening slowly.  It took me many to figure out what was wrong, but once I did, I learned how to live again and how to be much happier, not that I wasn't already a happy person.  Take all the good in people and give back.  Live, love and laugh.  By writing this is what I do.  I also volunteer as often as my body allows me to.  Think of this:

Dew on the grass on a beautiful spring day.  The smell of a new born baby.  Laying in the hammock with nothing but a breeze and and the warm sun while you read a book while getting lost in the words. I read somewhere that if you think of life like a terminal illness you learn to live it with joy and passion as it should be lived out every day.  Smell the fresh flowers every everyday and enjoy the scenery as you drive listen to the sounds of life as you go about your day and remember today is the only guarantee you get.

9:  Men aren't mind readers.  If you want something, tell them.

Come on now ladies.  I mean seriously, do you really think that they know you want those boots you been eyeing in the window of Macy's for the last two weeks?  Believe me, most of them have no idea.  There are those few that may have a knack for shopping, which believe me is great, but unless you tell them, leave more than subtle hints around, have no idea.  Let me put it this way, put big hints up.  Put them everywhere.  I mean the right places, the refrigerator, computer, the mirror.  The places that he sees.  If you want them, put the circular there, circle them with a heart and say great gift idea.  Or of course you would love some new lingerie, who wouldn't, take your man shopping, but don't buy it, go try it on and say what do you think, maybe this would be a big enough hint that they would remember.  Come straight out and tell them you would absolutely love flowers and chocolate or chocolate covered strawberries, yummy!  When women are happy, them men are happy....just saying guys!  And guys, hey ask the women if they would like some new comfy pajamas for Valentine's Day or what their favorite color is.  The men have to get into the swing of things too, don't just lay all the responsibility on the women, after all with today's technology, you can send yourself alerts and reminders to bring home milk, why not gifts for "just because."

Now for the last one and my most favorite!

10:  Negotiate everything!

Everything is negotiable.  Cars, furniture, jewelry, homes, insurance even cell phones.  In this day and age you can even negotiate life if you sit and think about it.  If you don't like the answer, walk away.  

You have free delivery, coupons, two for one, percentages discounts, Holiday discounts, tax refund discounts, credit card rewards, no sales tax.  I mean everything.  Look at the insurance companies and going to court, takes years but seems the longer you hold out the more you might get in the long run.  

Haggling, walking away, paying cash, there are so many different methods of getting a better deal it's a negotiating world out there.  Just remember all you have to do is wait it out and you too can negotiate.  

My friends and followers, this is my advice list to you, use it in good health and remember live, love and laugh...that is non-negotiable. 

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

How hard is it for you to make a decision?  Any decision, from what to eat to what to wear to if you really need those great shoes you've bee eying at the mall for the last 2 paychecks.

I, for the most part don't have a problem making a decision, but on the other hand feel guilty when I decide I want a new pair of beets and my kids just give me that look and say there's nothing to eat in the house.  I know and all of my friends, family and mostly my kids know that is is totally false.  They just don't want to cook.  Life has come down to this in my eyes, what is really important at this moment in time.  Well, right now it seems as of today it's not shoes, and it's not a new outfit, although that would be great right now and make me feel like a million bucks along with a great massage and a haircut.

It has recently come to my attention that I have more, well, more severe medical issues than I have had in the past.  Not that they are going to kill me any faster than I was already going to die, like oh let's see 100 or so, but I am at a point of I live in pain daily.  This my friends sucks.  It is nothing that you would ever want to pass on to anyone.  I would much rather clean bathrooms at an amusement park in the dead of summer (yeah, nasty huh).  So, with this being said, I have several decisions to make now.  NO, no new boots or shoes!  Sounds good though.

I have to figure out where I can move, actually pick up my live, family, belongings and relocate to in order to feel at least comfortable on a more daily basis.  I feel good in the summer and late spring, early fall.  I am in the Hudson Valley in NY.  However, the Winter is very harsh on my body and feels as if I have the Flu on a constant basis for 3-4 months without the vomiting and fever.  I have been told and have read that barometric pressure plays a part on arthritic people, so I have to consider this also.  I have arthritis, Arnold Chiari Malformation, Fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease in c3,c4,c5 and I do not have c1 or c2, they were both removed when I had to have brain surgery.  I also have hip surgery just a year and a half ago, so my hip act up and sticks when the weather gets cold also.  Migraines and allergies are also a big part.  With all of these on my end, both of my girls are in their 1st year of college and love the Arts and photography.

This being said I need to find a central location with access for me for doctors and them for college.  I have searched the internet high and low, all over trying to see what other people have written just for information.  Anything on everything.  Now it's still up to me in the end, I know, this is what I am told.

I am the one it falls on in the end.  So what do you do?  Do you make the decision of, we go here and buy a house in 3 months and that's it or we rent and test it out?  Depending upon the state you live in you have to have residency and then I have to run my kids through the mill for schooling.  What an I to do?  I understand I am the mom, but crap, decisions, decisions, decisions, can't I just go to the mall and but a new pair of boots instead?

Winter is half over and they are having a great sale.  Such an easy decision for me on that one and who couldn't use a new pair of black boots.  When did all of this become so complicated?  When did life slap me in the face and say,"Hello?"  I don't remember it being this way when they were younger.  I made every decision when they were young and now that they are adults I feel as if each decision I make is like walking on egg shells.  I don't want to do the wrong thing and end up having my children turn out to be non-working, homeless, crack-smoking, ruthless adults who do nothing with their lives in the end, after all I am the one who raised them.

My oldest daughter, who is turning 21 in seven months, says to me the other day, "Mom, look at your hands, they are finally starting to get wrinkly."  How do I take that?  I am 45 and in my mind I feel 30, but my body feels 80 in the winter and I look as if I'm 35.  I get told all the time how good I look, although I feel like crap on a daily basis.  I smile and move forward, yet I can't make a decision on where to move?  What to do?  Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Stalking...or they call it, "But Honey, I just love you soooooooooooo much!"

Stalkers are everywhere, you may not see them well that's because they are hiding.  I'm serious!  I'm just getting over it, well still going through it.  Do you ever get over it?  Do you ever trust again? Do you ever love again, want to love again?  

It is hard enough today to have a relationship without having the feeling of being smothered or controlled by someone or something.  Yes, I said something.  I mean your phone, computer or other electronic device you may have that can "track" you down.  Personally I was in a relation ship for several months and thought it was going great. We spent a lot of time together.  We went places and enjoyed each others company.  It wasn't until one day when we got into out first disagreement when I realized something was off.  I felt as if his actions were like we should have been in high school or even middle school.  I said something immediately.  This is not me at all.  I am by no means in any was a drama filled person.  I stay as far away from it as I can.  If you bring drama to me, I try not to get involved.  I may give you advice; you can take it or leave it, your choice.  Other than that, no drama for me unless it's on television.

I tell him, look, I think you are acting like you are in high school and need to grow up, leave this bullshit at the door or bring it back to where ever you got it from, I don't need or want it.  The look I got was new for me.  I never saw that from him before.  Me, all of five foot two and a half inches tall, and 115lbs., yes I have to put that half inch in there, especially when you are my size.  He was six foot four and weighed 240.  This was my normal type guy.  I like them big and burly, usually. Anyway, the look was just strange, eyes down and pierced through me, but as little as I am, I don't take shit from no one, big small or indifferent.  This is my life, home and my kids are here, so I'm like a lioness guarding my cubs.  

I asked him if he had a problem with me asking him that and he just said nope, nothing.  He promised it would stop and didn't realize he had been doing it.  I should have known right then and there, but I has married previously for nearly 20 years so I never had issues like this before.  My ex-husband and I were together for three years before we even got married.  My life was always simple, and now it was drama-filled and seemingly complicated within 6 months.  

What the hell was I thinking?  I should have just left him that first time I had that gut feeling, but no, I let it ride.  The questions start, where you going?  With who?  How long?  These are all questions that I have never been used to, like I said my ex-husband and I were just so used to doing whatever for so long, that it was natural I guess, WRONG.  This was the stalker guy and I had no idea.  I was answering and thinking it was normal, when all along it was him controlling me, keeping tabs and knowing everything about me, where I was and who I was with at all times.  Who knew?  I had no clue.

Oh, you should wear this it looks so great on you, wear your hair up it looks so much nicer or I like it when your ears show he would say.  It was his way of controlling the situation, easily, and without me noticing.  Oh let's eat here, I don't like this place.  Why do you hang out with that girl, she brings you down or they are crazy or they drink too much or they treat their kids bad.  They will always try to keep you away from any of your friends that may have something bad to say about them.  Well holy crap, it took so long to realize this, well for me it was only the matter of a few weeks, but I know women who are still in those relationships.  Even during sex, there would be something.  I can't do this because my side hurts or you're so much better than I am.  They will always make it sound better for you to gain the upper hand.  

My favorite line of shit is that they are going to go to counseling or they are going already and even bring you a card.  I have had it done to me.  Anyone can go into an office and ask for a business card.  They come up with fake diseases or sometimes real ones that they always blame on something or someone else.

Nothing is ever their fault, ever.  They feel alone and desperate and they are usually a smart ass.  Most of the time they are a really fun person and fun to be around when you are friends.  All of your friends love them, but once you are in a relationship with them, thats when it all changes.  The controlling, desperate need for having you there all the time.

I am so very glad that I was able to break out of it and go, but once I told him and left is when all Hell broke loose.  127 phone calls over 50 text messages, flowers, everything.  When I told him I was calling the cops and not answering his calls that was the breaking point for him.   He tried to run me off the Interstate.  He swerved into me doing nearly 70MPH and run me right off the road, then went in front of me and slammed on his brakes, all of this during rush hour traffic.  Nice guy, as all his friends had called him previously...nice guy my ass!  He took the day off, borrowed a car and drove over an hour to run me off the road because I wouldn't answer the phone.  This is a full blown stalker!  He is crazy, psycho and just an all around piece of shit in my book!  I was never so scared in all my life, I called 911, and cried and cried, and the anxiety was just off the charts.  Never in my lifetime have I ever experienced this.  I would never want any woman to have to go through this, ever.  

The State Police came to me on the side of the Interstate and calmed me down and we tried to call him back.  He is so crazy, that when the State Trooper left a voice message to not ever call me again, he called back, the SP answers, the stalker-boy hangs up.  The he texts me and asks if its my new boyfriend I'w with, WTF?? Really??  I'm sitting there with the SP and he just looks at me and I said, "See, I told you he was crazy!"  This just went on and on for months, he didn't stop, driving by my house, calling, texting me and he even tried to sell my brand new vehicle online.  I mean, what kind of normal person would do this?  None that I know of, so the only conclusion that you can come up with is that he was a stalker.  He knew exactly what he was doing.  He had done this all before and knew the system. It's a shame that you went to prison in Virginia and I didn't know that before hand, because if I did, I absolutely would have never dated you.  You kidnapping someone and trying to harm a police officer there wasn't a good thing either.  Its all public information and anyone can look it up, once you put your name in, poof, there it is. Is this why you had a heart attack and was in the hospital and couldn't make your court appearance or did you fake that too?  Was the stress too much for you?  He knew how to get way with things, how long to wait, everything.  

There are some things he didn't know though.  He still doesn't know things like people follow him all the time.  He will be caught one day and karma is a bitch.  Whenever you do something online, it is a federal offense and it will catch up with you especially when there are trackers on everything.  Just because you think you know everything doesn't mean you do. Do not fall into the trap of a stalker, they are sneaky, conniving and just not good for the soul.  Run, run fast and don't turn back.  There is someone out there for everyone and hopefully it's not him.     

If you feel that you have been the victim of a stalker, please don't hesitate to call 911 and report it.

Growing Up Me

Growing up me.  

How do you put it?  You can say what you'd like about me, but if you know me well enough then you love me.  I mean you really love me as a person.  Not that I am trying to toot my own horn so to speak or anything like that.  I am just the type of person that is very easy to get along with and would do anything for you.  Even if I have to go out of the way to do it.  Not that I will go and purchase a new car for you or something of that nature, but I will help you within whatever means I can.  

As a small child, as my mother tells me, I could always get what I wanted.  I don't know how or why, I just did.  It didn't matter if it was a relative or a complete stranger.  There was just a way about me, mom would say, that made people just love me instantly.  I could ask for just about anything and get it.  Not that I asked for much, because I rarely did.  Looking at something with that awe in my eyes would be the dead give away most of the time about how much I would admire something.  For example a doll or stuffed animal.  I would end up with it the next day or week.  

Growing up I was quite poor.  I can remember living in low-income housing, on the other side of the tracks, in a place called "The Project."  I loved it there because there was this huge metal slide in the front and I could go on that for hours.  There was also concrete sidewalks and I could ride my tricycle on them.  We were always playing outside until dark with all the neighborhood kids.  Living in The Project there were so many kids around all the time it was great.  We could play tag and jumprope.  Thats where I learned to play double dutch jumprope.  Now that hard to play, but so much fun.  Look around today, you barely see kids playing that.  I was two or three when we moved there and then my mom saved enough money to buy a trailer on a piece of land on the outskirts of town.  As happy as I was to move I was sad to lose my friends.  We moved during the nice weather and had to start finding friends all over again.

I remember smelling the stench of cows all the time.  Every time I drive by a farm to this day it brings me back to those days.  The property my mom bought was an old cow farm.  We had the bogs in our front yard, which eventually over time we filled in.  It was a great place and out of the way, but close enough to get to town quick.  I can remember my mother always saying she didn't want us to grow up in The Project because we needed to be better than she ever was.  I understand that now, then I was just sad to lose my friends.  I was very young when we moved, five, but yet I remember most of it.  That was the summer my brother cut my finger off in my new bicycle. 

Five, I know, how can I say I remember anything, but this was a very traumatic age for me.  Not only did I have the finger incident, but my mom and dad split that year, we moved, I started school and had to make new friends.  My mom bought a mobile home.  It was blue and white with two lights that hung down outside in the front facing the dirt driveway.  I remember so many things about being there like the sounds and the bugs.  Oh the bugs, so many, many sounds and annoying.  I went from living in a town, which felt like a city to me to the suburbs.  A place that was a cow pasture at one point, smelly, full of bogs and bugs.  Sleeping, ha, you try sleeping.  This was hard at first but once you did, there was no turning back.  I lived on a dirt service road as my mom called it.  There was four other mobile homes on it and they all owned property, so no it wasn't a trailer park.  Across the street was an old couple, they were really nice.  They turn out to be my best friends grandparents in the end.  Above me are two more mobile homes and they are mother and daughter.  There was this little pond in between them with a few geese running around along with a miniature pony.  It was somewhat of a farm you could say, a small one, but yet farm like.  I can remember the daughter, Lizzie, well her husband drove for Hostess.  

He used to drive the big truck in and out of the dirt service road all the time, stirring up dust.  I can still feel it in my lungs.  They had three children who were about the same ages as me and my sisters and brother, so this was good.  The neighborhood was a very nice one and there was quite a few kids around.  I was happy to be there, or starting to be.  I am the youngest of four kids.  It's not easy being the baby.  You get treated so different.  Its like you never get to grow up and my oldest sister always had to take care of me no matter what.  I quite ofter felt bad for her, having to be responsible for me.  To this day, I think she still resents me for it.  I remember my mom decorating the house and saying ok, "us girls" had to share a room.  There were three girls.  UGH!  My brother of course, getting his own room, lucky dog.  Our trailer was so small, but me being five, I was tiny, so I couldn't tell.  It was 12 by 56.  Now I want you to imagine six people living in this.  Two adults and four kids.  I don't think I could ever imagine doing that today.  

Well,  It wasn't long after that when my mom and dad, who fought constantly finally split.  I can remember the big white Pontiac in the driveway and my dad walking by me in his platform shoes,  bell-bottom pants and his rust colored paisley patterned shirt.  I asked him where he was going, because he had a bunch of clothes on hangers swooped over his one shoulder.  He told me, "I'm going to the dry cleaners, baby girl, I'll be back later."  The he got in his car and left.  To this day, I don't know what pissed me off more, the fact that he called me baby girl or the fact that he never came back, that he lied to me.  I wasn't even six.  I mean, don't lie for one and two I have a name or were you using a term of endearment.  I will never know, because my father died by the time I was 17.  

I understand now, again, so many thing we, as adults understand that as children never could.  The fighting, bickering, just couldn't live with each other.  I get it.  I totally understand it.  I loved my dad, or I guess I did.  I really didn't know him.  I was so young.  I have no idea who he was or what he did.  I had friends in high school who knew him better than I did, not that just insane.  If you are reading this, you never knew that until now.  He worked for one of my friend's fathers's companies and I never knew it, until my friend told me.  I spent one spring vacation with him, or I was supposed to.  I was ten or eleven and he picked me up in this old green pick up truck.  We drove from NY to FLA.  I think it was the best time in my life.  We talked and just hung out.  My Pop-Pop, who had a summer camp in Florida, was waiting for us.  Weaving around the alligators down the back roads, we finally get to the camp.  It was beautiful.  Wekieva Landing I think it was called.  Aunt Alice, Uncle John, (even though I called them Uncle Alice and Aunt John) Pop-Pop and me, because of course, should have known, daddy dropped me off, said he'd be back and left.  I hung out all vacation.  I had the best time ever.  I learned some great card tricks and games, how to fish for piraña and met family I never knew I had.  It was definitely the best time ever for me.  

My Uncle Charlie and Aunt Louise came and picked me up in their tractor trailer.  They hauled tangerines and oranges from FLA to Boston, so this would be great.  We got in the truck and off we went.  Who wouldn't want to see the USA via a big rig.  It was awesome, just a great time.  They taught me how to use a CB radio and were going to let me drive until they said, well, maybe 11 is a bit too young, lol.  Boston came and went.  Learning how truckers back-up and transport, deliver and just live was incredible.  By far, it is no easy task, job or life.  All I kept thinking is how I sometimes get mad about living is a small home.  Not any more, that's for sure.  Try living in a tractor trailer for weeks at a time and showering in a truck stop, eating on-the-go, never knowing when you will be home if you even have one.    Gosh, I love my family.  So diversified, so loving and caring.  I would watch them with complete strangers while we were on the road just give them food or just talk to them if they needed advice or help.  This trip at such a young age was so satisfying.  It was amazing.  

They dropped me off at home and boy did I miss my bed, well my mom too and my huge (not really) house, well now I thought it was huge after spending numerous hours on the road in a tractor trailer.  Did you ever sleep in a tractor trailer while driving cross country?  It's not easy.  There were so many things that had happened to me since we moved, well besides just growing up.  

My mom met someone after having my dad left us and that was the beginning of what is what I call my learning years.  Frank, as us kids decided to call him, learned a lot from him.  I don't even remember when she married him to be honest.  I remember being in the church and we were all going to stand up and say no.  But, because we saw that my mom seemed happy, we didn't.  Who knew?  This man took and gave, taught and yet hurt.  My mother never laid a hand on us, until Frank.  What did we do that was so bad that we had to be spanked for it?  Kids are kids.  We didn't kill animals, or burn the house down.  There wasn't robbery or torture.  There was however an occasional talking back or being late, hanging out with the wrong crowd, all which stopped in an instant.  

I can remember one day, my sister, I won't say which one, cut the table with a knife; the edge of the table.  My step-dad came home, saw the marks and had a huge fit.  No one admitted to doing it, so as normal, lined us all up and said ok, "bathroom."  This meant that one by one you went in the bathroom for a spanking until someone told, in order.  It didn't matter if you did it or not, you got a spanking.  Sometimes he started at the oldest and sometimes at the youngest.  I guess it was the mood he was in or if he was drinking, which was normally always.  This time it started at the oldest, phew, I was lucky.  I knew it wasn't me and hopefully they would admit it before it got to me.  I hated being lined up, you just knew what was coming.  It could be a hand, or a spoon or brush.  Whatever was close.  If you put your hands to cover you butt, he would hold your hands out of the way and spank you again.  It hurt to say the least.  Well, it got to my sister before me…bathroom was said.  She goes in there and just waits.  I swear, waiting was worse than getting hit.  She sat in there for what seemed like forever.  Next thing you know, I was told to go outside and play.  Wooo, it was over.  Saved!  Well, she's still in the bathroom, she never got spanked, but sat in there for at least an hour waiting.  She knew.  Like I said, you dreaded being in the bathroom waiting.  I don't lie about things.  It's not worth the punishment, ever.  Besides how do you remember or keep up with what you said to who or when?  Just tell the truth and get it over with.  To this day I still get a stomach ache if someone wants me to keep a secret or wants me to lie for them.  It brings me back to my childhood.  I feel as if I am going to be harshly punished and I don't want that again, ever.   

Frank was a unique and very smart man as much as he was a disciplinarian.  He read many books and could create, build and imagine the world a better place.  He would pick up a Mother Earth News Magazine, read it and duplicate the projects in it.  Once he built a solar wood burner.  This had to be in the 70s.  It was incredible the projects he made.  He built my sisters and me beds in our room to have space to play and do our homework because of the limited area.  These were built high off the floor like bunk beds and underneath was a closet on one side, a 3-tier desk on the other and play space on the other.  It was so great.  

There were just so many things that I remember about him, Frank was pretty cool.  I learned many things from him.  I also learned how, again to get my own way, be a perfectionist even more than I already was at such a young age and what was I now, sixth grade and I have learned so much and been up and down the entire east coast, who could say that in the 70's as a young child.  It was great, so far growing up me has been, well pretty good in my eyes.