My environment, now this is where it becomes a little fuzzy at times. For years in my marriage, yes halfway decent, I can complain, but for the most part, why? Most people end up bitter and stay that way, I feel bad for them, me, nah, move on, forgive and move on. Just don't forget, learn from it! Don't allow it to rule you or run you into the ground, make it a training lesson to prepare you for whats next in life. I lost who I was and became who I thought I was supposed to be. I was unhappy, of course I never showed it. I just went along like nothing was ever wrong in my life, took care of my home, my children and myself, oh my (ex)husband of course. It wasn't until I had my brain surgery and recovered from it was when I realized what was missing; me. We who knew.
Have you ever lost yourself? Let me put it this way, have you ever found yourself? Recently I have found out many new, quite possibly old and very lost or just deeply sunken qualities about myself.
Kindness, which I have always have known to have been has never been lost, nor has, my overwhelming personality (they're aren't too many people that don't like it, yes a few, never said directly to me, but a few nonetheless). I call it overwhelming because I am always happy, smiling, vibrant and just fun to be around. I like to enjoy my time, no matter what. Patience, which I have learned to control, I think many of us have over time. I am no angel, but I do have patience and quite a lot of it. When I get right down to it, I am a really good hearted person with all the right stuff as I have been told, lately. Now with that being said, I know I have always been that way, never changed and never will, no reasons to change who I am. I was born and raised this way. I love my mom for making me who I am and my family around me, my environment for conditioning me for who I have become.
My environment, now this is where it becomes a little fuzzy at times. For years in my marriage, yes halfway decent, I can complain, but for the most part, why? Most people end up bitter and stay that way, I feel bad for them, me, nah, move on, forgive and move on. Just don't forget, learn from it! Don't allow it to rule you or run you into the ground, make it a training lesson to prepare you for whats next in life. I lost who I was and became who I thought I was supposed to be. I was unhappy, of course I never showed it. I just went along like nothing was ever wrong in my life, took care of my home, my children and myself, oh my (ex)husband of course. It wasn't until I had my brain surgery and recovered from it was when I realized what was missing; me. Who knew.
I only had wished that I knew sooner, but so be it. Now I only have to figure out who I was again. Little pieces are starting to shine through little by little, day by day, week by week. Wondering how long this was going to take, I decided to just be me and research everything about everything. My illnesses, along with anything else that may have popped into my head at that given moment, hence a blog had been started. I have arrived with a new me, well old me, new thoughts and clear vision.
There is a song by Ashlee Simpson, "Pieces of Me", amazing how it seems to be just about spot on. As young as she is, it makes me wonder who helped her write the song, did they know what I went through. OH, maybe a mid-life crisis? One never knows, but it's pretty close for me. Truth be told, I was feeling a whole new feeling it seemed. I don't know if I can describe it, but it seemed just happy and free, like the days of Woodstock, sort of. Not so much sharing love, love the one you're with type feeling, just like a load was released or dropped off of my shoulders and I felt a sense of calm. I liked this very much. Although it was a few years before I was actually divorced, I had a grip on who I was again and it was going to take a long time, which I knew.
I wasn't going anywhere any time soon, so time is all I had. Recovery for me was going to be long a tough, not easy by any means. I like myself so much better and just some tweaking is all I needed, well for me anyway. No one else really knew what was going on, because on the outside, like I mentioned before, I was cool as a cucumber and just made it like everything was normal. Why leave pieces of me around to have to pick up to try and put back together if I don't need to? This would make my life that much more complicated and I sure do not want that. Simple, and leave your drama at the movies.
I wasn't going anywhere any time soon, so time is all I had. Recovery for me was going to be long a tough, not easy by any means. I like myself so much better and just some tweaking is all I needed, well for me anyway. No one else really knew what was going on, because on the outside, like I mentioned before, I was cool as a cucumber and just made it like everything was normal. Why leave pieces of me around to have to pick up to try and put back together if I don't need to? This would make my life that much more complicated and I sure do not want that. Simple, and leave your drama at the movies.
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