Write it, jot it, blog it.

Signs

Signs are everywhere. Big ones, small ones, subtle ones and loud obnoxious ones. You can walk right in front of one and never notice that there is one right in front of your face waiting for you to notice. No, not that sign, not the "enter" or "exit' sign. I'm talking about the "a-ha" signs.

Have you even gotten a sign like that? You're in your car, pull out of the driveway only to get 50 feet down the road to have to turn around because you forgot your cell phone or wallet. You go back home, run in the house, go searching all over the place and can't seem to find it. Now you pulling your hair out searching high and low trying to retrace your steps and go back to your car, not finding it in the house of course, pick up the newspaper on the passenger seat of the car and there sits both the wallet and cell phone. Now not only are you mad at yourself for turning around, but your 15 minutes late, so decide to take the back roads to work instead. Arriving at work, park and run in, the buzz in the office is about the horrific accident on the highway involving a big tractor trailer and three or four cars, literally happening when you normally would have been there. All you can think is that you should have been dead or hurt badly, because if you would have never turned around to go back for that phone you thought you forgot, you would have been plastered all over the highway. Really!, you even changed the direction you were driving. Why did all this happen? You never left anything home to begin with, one and two, you changed routes. Signs. It was something that made you change your mind, something deep inside that just told you to go back home to take up some time. Signs.

There are many types of signs you may get. A phone call from an old friend, finding a $20 bill in the pocket of your old winter coat, go buy that scratch off ticket only to win $100. Go to lunch with your best friend at a new place, come to find out they can't make it, you're already there, but someone else shows up and you end up dating them. What about forgetting to study for your test, get to class and the teacher ends up canceling because they got sick. Was that a sign or just luck? Some people may call it luck, I call it a sign. It's a sign telling you you need to become more aware of your surroundings and yourself.

What about meeting someone new or even better yet someone you already knew and you reconnect after years. What kind of signs will you get? How many do you need before you know if things are going to go your way? Is this person the one? How do you know and if so how do you know it's true? This is where signs come in play. There is a sign for everything. Open, closed, in, out, the feeling of being sick is a sign. We all know that feeling and that is can stem from so many different things. Stress, happiness, sadness, an illness, operation, a smell, bad food, good food, allergies, medicine, too much to drink, too little to drink and even love. The difference is , you need to know how to read the signs and when to know if the signs are right and are pertaining to that situation. You will know. Or at least there will be a sign.

Be happy

Who are the Jones' and why do we have to keep up with them? What makes them better than you or the Johnsons' or even the Smiths? You move into a glorious neighborhood and look around, new to the area and make a few friends when people just look at you like you don't really belong there, like you aren't quite "up to their standards". What do you do? You do what half of the other people in the society does, they go out and spend all the money they don't have, they buy more "stuff". Stuff they can't in all reality can't afford and will take them in all actuality 30 years to pay off if they should make the minimum payment on the high interest credit card.

Next, they decide to get a new vehicle, why? Maybe it's the fact that they are going through a mid-life crisis, or so, again, society tells them they are. Could be the fact that the neighbor just bought that new Escalade and they need to have a new one too, hmm? Keeping up with the Jones' are you? Tuesday comes and you get a phone call, "Hey, we're having a "little" get together this weekend, come on over". Oh surely you have to go. Off you go and see all the latest technology they have and now it's a must have for you. Within a few short months, possibly weeks you now have the up to date latest big screen along with anything else you can add to make yourself fit in. Why would you put yourself so far in debt to do this? Don't you already fit in or are you just trying to be someone you aren't? I understand that you would like to have a great entertainment room if thats what you truly want, as I have one and enjoy it a lot, but if you don't ever use it and are just getting one to show off or to be like everyone else, then why? Why keep up with the Jones'? Why put yourself in a class with everyone else when we are all truly different. If everyone was cut from the same cookie cutter, then the world would be boring, not to mention basically crime-free and peaceful. Think about it. It would be great, but not realistic, this, my friends is a fantasy world. If every person was the same, how would you be able to tell everyone apart? Be yourself and let people love you for who you are and not who you think they will love. Don't become a statistic and try to keep up with anyone but yourself.

Being like everyone else doesn't give any impression other than being fake and being fake doesn't give any impression other than you have no idea who you are. If you don't know who you are, sit back, reflect and remember why you are happy. If you aren't happy, find your happiness, hold onto it and once you are happy with you it shows. Showing you are happy, just secretes out of your body naturally and once that happens, all else follows. Happy people are contagious. Pretty soon, the Jones' would much rather be you, happy.

Letting go

When is the right time to let go? Let go of it all, cry, while your laughing kind of letting go. You know you have all of these emotions going through your head and you have to let them out, but you don't quite know how. Do you cry, laugh, scream, talk or just smile and move on? There is baggage and then there is the kind of baggage that has an entire matching set that goes along with it. We all need to let go of our frustrations and anger. If this builds up we can become so bitter and angry it may work in reverse and it can be dangerous for our health.

How do you let it go? I have found out recently through many friends that people take different routes in dealing with stress. In how to release stress and how not to release stress, you know who I'm talking about. There are those who turn to the bottle, the bar and friends who they think are real friends, when in fact they are not anywhere near being an acquaintance, nonetheless a friend. Then you have the quiet type, clam up and hold it all in until they explode and just burst out crying for no reason one day because they can no longer hold it in. Next, you have the ones who indulge in food, any kind, just eats for all the wrong reasons. For me, I vent and vent and talk to everyone and anyone, lol. I'm a talker, always have and always will be, BUT, that doesn't mean I let go of anything at all. It only means that I talk a lot. I do not necessarily tell people my problems. There was a time prior to my divorce that no one knew there were any problems in my home, why would I air that to anyone. No one else's business in my eyes. I didn't want to look like I was out of control, or that I couldn't take care of my own household. All the while I would get a compliment such as (him knowing I went to get my hair cut, FYI: we love when you notice the little things)"oh your hair looks good, BUT you should have gotten it done curly". Another good one would be if I did a project in the house NO MATTER what it was, always, always said it looked good, BUT..(that damn word) you could have or should have done it this way. I was always told how much better I should have been or he would pick out every flaw and physically point to it for me. How do you give a compliment and take it back all in the same breath, don't bother, please! So for this I feel as if I didn't exactly get treated like the princess I would have loved to be treated like.

No, you don't have to buy me pearls, although one Christmas he did, which made my year and that was toward the end, where looking back, he knew I was at my wit's end and more than likely hoping he could "buy" my affection and love. Oh not in my lifetime! You don't have to buy me to love me and appreciate me, just love and appreciate me. It's not that hard. I believe most people are looking for the same thing in this world today. Not the same old, same old, but to be loved and to love, purely and honestly. No bullshit attached. At least I am. To enjoy each other and what they do and to know that you are respected and appreciated. Stop by and bring you coffee, because I can. Mail (snail mail, not email, you know actually pick up a pen and write) you a card because you are thinking about them, whether you live in the same house or not. When you don't feel good, let them sleep in and close the shades because the suns is going to blare through the window at any moment. That kind of affection. Yeah, I know you want that too.

Have you ever just sat on the couch feet up, laying next to that special someone watching a movie and realized you have no idea what the movie is because you you are so comfortable with that person and your brain is just not acknowledging any information except well seems like nothing but that moment? No? Me either, but I would love to. I feel that if we all just let go of the bitterness and disillusions of bad relationships past we can make what we want for our futures. I know for me it was the hardest thing I have ever done and I am still doing every day. The reason is because I have to see him every weekend when he visits my girls, although they are 18 (in a month) and 20, they do see him every weekend. Why? I believe he is trying to make up for lost time and I have nothing but respect for all three of them trying to stay as close as they allow themselves since it has taken to this point for them to have a father daughter relationship. As my oldest tells me that they're friends and when was he ever a father to her. I just shake my head and think to myself, well it's better than having a deadbeat dad and off they go to lunch or a movie. Yes, I still have some bitterness toward him (ok maybe a travel bag full or more), but it gets easier every day to let go especially when you can look ahead to a brighter future with him not in it. Just let go.

Lunacy

Pure lunacy. What is wrong with people today? Oh, scratch that, people have been this way for years I know. Let me start again, what is going on? Everywhere I turn to read, just about anything lately it seems to be just off the wall, lunacy. I mean pure insanity. Yesterday I wrote about mothers abandoning children because I was reading about three or four different articles on people just leaving kids wherever they felt like it and today, well some lady decides she wants to steal her ex's sperm.

What next? Another John and Lorena Bobbit story or Joey Buttafuoco and his girlfriend, Amy, that tried to shoot his wife, hmm, wonder how they are all getting along these days? You do remember all those names now don't you?? The Bobbit guy became some famous porn star and as for the Buttafuoco I think they got a book deal. Come on already, let's see, chop off my husband's penis, throw it out the window for cheating or what have you, then he gets it surgically replaced, enhanced and now your a porn star...well gee, win, win for him.

As for the the later couple, she did time, but pretty sure a reality movie and book deal or some other drama was done from that whole scenario, oh, again, she lost, but came out with some money I suspect. As for Joey he did a whole list of stuff, so did they do it for the money to start off? What the heck is going on? You want publicity, go on Jerry Springer for Heaven's sake or some other well orchestrated TV daytime talk show. Don't be a fool, convict or murderer or just plain liar. It's pure lunacy I tell you, lunacy!

How does one become a lunatic? Are you born this way, bred this way or did you just wake up that Thursday afternoon and while sitting at the kitchen table drinking that piping hot cup of coffee decide, hmpf, today is the day, screw my job, family and all my friends, I'm done with all this shit. I am going to be a raging lunatic from here on in. Please, tell me, because I am just astounded by some people, I understand that there are people who "crack". Yes, I can totally understand that. Being physically or mentally abused for years and holding it in, then just one thing may happen and you snap. It may not even pertain to the situation. Absolutely it can happen. I do believe that.

In the case of someone stealing sperm, or a child or money, no way in my mind can I ever see someone not planning that out. You don't just get the urge one day. Here's a scenario: You're walking Fido in the park on Sunday, beautiful sunny day, people skating and riding bikes when all of a sudden, you need a sperm, right that instant...you decide to run to the local sperm bank, of course, not fully knowing this is where you ex donated his, and pretended to be someone else, and have to be inseminated right there on the spot. SERIOUSLY!! Oh, yeah, that totally works for me. It was like a craving for chocolate I had Saturday, with Cool Whip and Peanut Butter, only not.

Then you have the guy just strolling down the avenue listening to his 3rd generation iPod swaying, jamming out, looking in the windows thinking, boy that shirt would look sweet on me, yup, 200$, not for me, then keeps walking, sees the bank, walks in and robs it, why? For a shirt? Was is planned out? Did he really want a shirt or pay his bills, was he pissed at the bank for something they did prior, who knows. Maybe he never wanted anything but to see if he could do it. No one will ever know. Its all lunacy. There is a fine line between being insane and being a genius, so are these people insane, crazy and mad, or are they completely sane and pure genius. This is the old Wile E. Coyote vs. Road Runner routine in my eyes. As many times as you test it, it's always seems to be a draw even though the smarter (Road Runner) comes out on top.

All I know is that, every day I read the news and there are lunatics doing the craziest things. Are these people sane, of course, are they now, who knows. The question is how to separate the people who are just doing this for pure publicity and who isn't. Most of these people are sane and just want their 15 minutes of fame, well of course like everything else I blog about this is just my opinion.

Your nose knows.

Our sense of smell is the most powerful of all the senses, even humor, lol. Have you ever walked the local mall or gone to a friends house and someone's mom is baking bread, oh my, scrumptious. That smell, the warm, wondrous fresh feeling of bringing you back to the days of maybe four or five years old, when you went to your grandparent's hour or even great grandparent's house. Possibly you were at another relative's home and they would have huge gatherings for the holidays.

The smell of home cooked bread would fill the air through out the entire house and it would be so warm and toasty in the house that the door would have to be opened up to let in the Autumn breeze, then the crisp leaves would fly across the back yard and you could smell those too, you know the smell, the golden colors mixed in with some browns and reds, deep reds and purples crunching when walked or ran in them. That smell, fresh, clean, crisp, a walk through the park perfect 70 degree not too hot or cold, light sweater on with a pair of jeans and the whole neighborhood playing football in the yard, that smell. The smell of laughter and family, smiles and jokes, the smell of friendships bonding and new love blooming and mother's teaching daughter's their grandmother's secret recipe for the 3rd time this year, because it was never written down, ever.

Does this take you back? It does for me, every time I get the urge to bake bread, which I do quite often I have to say. I love to bake and cook and craft, thanks mom, by the way. She was that role model to me that all the kids loved and wanted, at the same time worked her ass off to support us not too far down the road after becoming the single mom. I love you more each day mom. The nose is a powerful thing and I can say mine is more powerful than a lot of them, it is bigger (hehe), or so i've been told and by the doctor (yup, straight out, you have quite a large nose), oh gee, glad you noticed. You have big teeth doc, but I didn't bill you for that one, lmao. Well, unless this was the dentist of course, whole other story.

Bread, vanilla, coconut, oranges, cigar smoke, gas (yeah strange one), beer, dirt (racing that is), and I can go on, all of these odors are near and dear to my heart and bring back such memories, one or two might have a not so happy memory attached, but so many more great ones that they over rule the bad, that I could care less about the bad ones. I can go buy a coconut, or coconut shampoo and it bring me right back to the day that my mom, her friend, my sister and I went on vacation and to visit my brother while he was in boot camp during his Army days. I can still remember what he looked like and the fact that I had on one of those Jerseys with the 3/4 sleeves, they were lavender by the way, and we drove all the way there.

Enjoying the trip, I can remember using shampoo that my mom had brought that smelled like coconut everyday and loving it. This was the first time I ever used such great shampoo as she didn't want to over pack so we all shared. We visited with my brother, took pictures, had fun, went to the beach and just had the best time ever. Getting ready to head home, I left the shampoo in the hotel room and I got in trouble. I will never forget it. This to me is something that always, I mean always just pops in my head whenever the smell of coconut is in the air and even more so if I am washing my hair with coconut shampoo, absolutely crazy I say. But the best moments in my life that trip, spending time with my family.